What a long strange year its been

Hi everyone....no....I didn't forget about this blog...and no, I didn't fall off the face of the earth. What I have been doing for the last few months has been an eye opener and hopefully will be life changing.

This was to be my Ironman year but shortly after my Gulf Coast Triathlon Half Ironman distance finish in May 2011, I started suffering from some hardcore fatigue. My muscles ached....all I wanted to do was sleep and my workouts were only getting part done.

On Memorial Day, I fell off a jetski with my friend at Lake Gaston NC. It wasn't a major fall, we just tipped the watercraft over but the next day, my right leg was dark black from a serious bruise. I knew then and there I needed to get my iron checked.

My iron levels were so low, I got an iron infusion just a few days later. This is when you get iron injections in your rump and they run an IV with iron direct into the veins. This brought my levels up...but they were still pretty low. I was healthy enough to start diving again....but training for an Ironman was once again on hold.

My doctors up at Duke made it simple: I had to stop my training at the Ironman distance. My knees were a mess, I was anemic and once again, they were battling the same issues with my thyroid. I have heard all this in the past with the same suggest: "Melissa, you have to lose weight".

My addictive side doesn't want to hear that you are going to take away all that food that brings me comfort. My competitive side just wants to push through it...and push forward...and attempt to complete my dream.

My doctor finally got through this time...and I mean he really did. He told me I was trying to "Race a Limo"...instead of a normal size vehicle. If I really wanted this dream, I HAD TO STOP...stop racing...and focus on weight loss. I cried for a few days. My coach was sympathetic without babying me...the perfect combination. I was allowed to train for Ironman 70.3 Augusta but it had to be using an elliptical and not running on the road and my other workouts were reduced. Suddenly...the drop in workout hours helped my body return to a normal iron level and let my joints rest. I finally felt like me again.

I competed in and completed Ironman Augusta 70.3 (that race report will be under a different blog entry) even though I was removed from the course in sight of the finish line due to a tornado watch and a lightning strike that started a building fire just 2 blocks from the finish line. I proud to inform you that I was not last...but I was definitely at the very back of the pack. If I had been allowed to finish, I would have beat the cut off by 25 minutes and I would have set a personal record.

This, however, is where my journey to Ironman must detour. I PROMISED my doctor...no more Ironman until I lose 40lbs. He is ok with the shorter distance races but my body, with a gastric bypass, can not properly fuel itself when attempting the long distance course. This is why my iron drops, my joints ache (more than the typical athlete) and I put my health at risk. I took the plunge in doing the gastric bypass to MAKE myself healthy and, although the Ironman is my dream, I have to put the safety of my body first.

So...2 half ironmans, 3 half marathons, 3 olympic distance triathlon and one sprint distance triathlon later...my year has been a full one....and a satisfying one. I have met incredible people on the Tri With Sway team that have really been a great support and I have learned a lot about my limits and abilities. I am proud of my work this year...and I refuse to step away from a life goal even if it means 2011 is not my Ironman year.

So..for now...you can watch my blog as I return to Structure House in Durham NC to get a jumpstart on my weight loss, undergo knee surgery (we will see what the MRI says Monday), survive dental surgery and get 40 pounds lighter..like I promised...so I can hear them say "Melissa Daly...you are an Ironman".

Checking in for a check up

What would you do if you KNEW you could not fail.....

Well...its been a few weeks if not months since I wrote here. I think the emergence of Facebook in my life has taken me away from this blog. Call me crazy...but I love keeping up with my friends, posting pictures and such....but...when I need to really work some things out on paper (or computer screen)...I always find my way back to my blog.

Its been hard for me to write these last few weeks. I have been focused on many different things including family, training, work, home and life in general. It's been a hectic life the last few weeks.

In May...my husband lost his dearest Uncle...Monsignor Tom Daly. Not only was the Monsignor a significant role model in my husband's life, but he held a soft spot in my heart. He was an incredibly intelligent man with a passion for life and his faith. It was a blow to our family and he is missed. The weeks leading up to his departure from this earth were stressful...but it showed me how very fleeting life is and how we must do the things that are important to us ....

While in Boston with my husband's family, I had to adapt my training. Im not really use to running in the snow...or swimming with 2 feet of snow piled up next to the windows of the pool deck...but there I was...riding a indoor trainer, running on the treadmill...and adapting. Two weeks of my training was spent in a hotel pool and fitness center...the best I could do given the circumstances.

On the heels of our Uncles death came the Gulf Coast Triathlon. I usually write a whole race report on the major races in my year...and maybe I will for this one...but the long and short of it...I took 21 minutes off my time. A huge victory for me...but my times are still slower than what I need to complete the Ironman in 17 hours.

I still continue to struggle with weight but I am happy to report that I have been successful in maintaining my weight within 7 pounds since my major 30 pound loss last summer. Sure, I would love to be lighter....I would love to be leaner....but I consider the maintenance of a weight loss a success and I wish to continue the weight loss THIS summer.

In a few weeks, I will return to Structure House...a weight loss facilities that treats people with eating disorders in Durham NC. Ill be going back for 2 to 3 weeks. While I am there, I will continue to train...and hopefully continue this weight loss that I started last year.

As I write, I see so many positive things that have happened to me this year...this Ironman year...but after this last week of training...it makes me wonder....will I ever be fast enough. Will I ever beat that cut off....will I make it to that "promise land" before the clock strikes midnight.

So...as I was walking by my fridge trying not to think about the snack I really don't need, I saw a magnet that I have had on their for years with the quote that started this blog entry....

What WOULD you do if you knew you would not fail?? Its simple. I would do what I am doing right now....I would be working on becoming and Ironman and being at the lowest weight I can to accomplish that goal.

So throw fear aside even though..at this moment...it is eating me up inside...and go for your dreams. Somebody please tell me Im not crazy for having this dream. Five years ago, I had a trainer tell me I would never complete a half Ironman....to date I have completed 6...so why not this?? Why not the Ironman?? Why not now???

You gotta own it...

It's the moments when no one is looking that makes you who you are. I am a firm believer in that. Everyone remembers the moment of crossing the finish line at Ironman...many are there to cheer and scream...but what A LOT of people don't understand is that, it isn't that moment that makes you an Ironman...its the times that people don't see that does.

I had a moment like that today...fighting the wind...cursing the air moving about me as I made it through my first LONG bike ride (50 miles) of this Ironman season. And when I say I CURSED...Im not lying. If you had pasted me on the road, you would have had me committed. The first 20 miles...no sweat. The next 10...well...I felt it...the last miles to the goal...they were Hell. My quads and hamstrings hurt and then it hit me...its been awhile since I went this far. Ive been enjoying those 20 to 25 mile bike workouts throughout 2010 that got me through Olympic Distance races. You lose fitness over time...and I have lost that endurance that I had in 2009...

But it doesn't mean I can't get it back..

So you got to own your limitations....you gotta believe you can be better....and you gotta have the guts to reach down and continue when it hurts....and when no one is cheering you on..

Train Hard...Race Easy....and keep the vision of that Ironman finish in the forefront of your mind

The Princess Half Marathon and creating the new ME

Well...its been awhile...a little over two months...but Im happy to say that I haven't written here because Ive been busy...on the road...in the water...and on my feet...

Ive been building ME...this is the Me that has doubted my ability to do Ironman. This is the ME that doubts herself A LOT. This is the ME that stands on a start line and thinks..."Do I listen to my head...or my heart."

I now listen to my heart a lot more.

I did the Princess Half Marathon at Walt Disney World with some of my dearest friends...one a breast cancer survivor doing her first half marathon..and others who have completed multiple half marathons...and my brother in law who has a talent to complete 13 miles in 90 minutes. I stood on that start line and thought...."just go with it Melissa...just have fun." As fate would have it, my GPS would not function and I could not focus on my pace. I had to run by feel...and it forces me to focus on something other than...the numbers.

By mile 10...I realized that if I pushed, I could have a PR...but my main goal is to do well at the Gulf Coast Triathlon in May. This race was about being able to enjoy the moment. So I took it easy. For the first time in all my Disney races, I took pictures with the characters and enjoyed the sights and sounds that are Disney. I know a lot of runners don't like Disney races but since I am a cast member, I am proud of my place of employment. As we entered mile 12 and Epcot, we entered the gate where I work at the Living Seas...and it hit me. My life is so different then 13 years ago. I am doing things and experiencing things that would never have been possible without comforting my eating disorder and making a change for the good.

As I crossed the finish line, I did the same thing I do every time...I pointed to heaven and reminded the world that I was in this place and this moment because God has a plan...and I may not understand it (especially when I miss the cut off at Ironman) but Im trying to follow along and learn what I need to learn. I waited in the finish area for my friend and new running fanatic, Martha Centeno, to finish. She crossed the line with lots of emotion...but can you blame her...look at what she has accomplished...fighting and beating cancer, losing 30 pounds and finishing her first half marathon. A big congrats to her.

So consider this my check in...Im doing great...Im staying focused...I determined to finish the Ironman in just a few months...but more importantly...Ill be the best ME as I stand on the beach in Panama City for one more crack at the beast!!!

The Mental Battle of Returning to Training

Please tell me I am not the only one that goes through this feeling.

4am...the alarm goes off...on my day off..

Sigh.

Do I really need to do this?? Can't I just go back to sleep?? I could do my training this afternoon couldn't I?? If I wait, I may not do it at all.

Sit up in bed. Lay back down. Then Im back up again. If I can just get my feet on the floor...then I know Ill be on my way.

On this day...I did get my feet on the floor but this is month 1 of 11 towards Ironman. I know its going to get harder. Right now, we are talking about base building workouts....these are simple compared to June and July and 5 hours on the bike.

Feet on the floor....and out the door. Damn it...Im gonna be an Ironman. I just need to battle that little voice in my head telling me I can't. I can. I will. This is my dream.

Tell me...does any one else go through this???

The New Hope..The New Opportunity..The promise of a New Year

January 1, 2011...

For many, today is a day of resolutions that will go in one year and out the other. This isn't my first year full of hope and dreams of an Ironman finish but this IS the year that it will be done.

As I ran my first workout of my Ironman year, I was full of hope and happiness. A fresh slate gives you perspective and a feeling of endless possibilities. It gives you the feeling that you CAN write down those impossible goals .. and achieve them. It is an amazing emotion.

I want this year to be like no other. I want to be focused...consistant...NOT PERFECT. No one's training is perfect, not even the professionals...but I have this feeling about this year that I haven't had in the past. Call it a hunger. Call it passion. Call it what you wish....Ill just chalk it up to hope and belief in my Ironman dream.

I start my year with a new coach. This might come as a shock to some because, if you know me well, you know I am a very loyal individual. Switching coaches came with much thought and a lot of heartache but I knew it had to be done. My former coach, Hector Torres, has become an incredible Elite coach and his clients are out there taking podiums and going to Kona. I felt a little overwhelmed by the people training with Hector and this was affecting my ability to train. Please don't misunderstand....every single person on the Central Florida Tri Club was kind and supportive of my efforts. These feelings of not belonging in the group came from me and I knew it was time to move to a different coach. Hector will forever be known as the coach that got me through my Half Ironmans and improved my biking time by more than 40 minutes. Hector took me from being afraid of being aggressive on the bike to loving the speed and the handling. I am so honored to have been a part of his program.

I start 2011 with Consuela "Sway" Lively and her "Tri with Sway" coaching program in hopes she will bring me to my first Ironman finish. She has an incredible resume including participating in the ITU World Championships, finishing in the top 6% of her Ironman races and completing an Ultraman (wanna really be overwhelmed...go look up what an Ultraman includes!!). She is a kind, sweet spirit with lots of experience to share. I am looking forward to 2011 and working with those involved with her group.

So here we are...its put up or shut up time. Ive talked a lot about Ironman 2011...now its time to put in the work.

Ill see you on the road....

My 12 days of Christmas...

All I want for Christmas is..

12 months of swimming, biking and running

11 months of injury free training before my Ironman

10 .. a Perfect 10 scoring Ironman

9 .. The number of 20 mile runs I would like to accomplish this training season

8 .. That I stop worrying about what I "ate"..

7 .. The number of kids with Leukemia or who have lost their battle that I will be racing for this season

6 .. The number of adults with Leukemia or who have lost their battle that I will be racing for this season

5 .. The number of major races I will complete in 2011

4 .. Always remember what I am racing "for" ... a cure for cancer...the realization of a dream

3 .. The number disciplines that must be mastered to complete the Ironman (ok...so there are really 5 if you count nutrition and transitions...but work with me here)

2 .. To have the guts, physical stamina, mental toughness and training TO get TO the finish line

1 .. To achieve this ONE goal...this ONE dream....

Dear Santa..

Ive been a really good triathlete this year. I have lost 30 pounds and kept it off. I have been a polite and sportsman like triathlete on the road and in my racing. I listened to my surgeon and didn't race to much on my bum knee. I went home with hardware in 4 of my 5 short races this season (Ok...so I may not have had a lot of people in my classification...but its still cool to go home with a 1st place in 3 of the 5 races).

All and all a damn good year full of family time, a wee bit of racing, fun, happiness, disappointment and joy. What more could you ask for??

What more could you ask for?? Well...it is my hope that your year in 2011 is full of joy, happiness, safe training, be free of injury, weight maintenance or weight loss (if that applies to you) but most importantly...that you achieve whatever goal you have set.

As for me...Ironman baby...

See you on the road...

Merry Christmas

The Journey begins again...I'm in for 2011

I have enjoyed my year off...really I have ...but deep down in my gut, I really couldn't wait for this day. I woke up at 400am and couldn't go back to sleep. Today was the day I would get another chance at achieving my dream...and there it is in my hot little hand.

This is the easy part you know...signing your name on a dotted line saying you're gonna compete in the Ironman is so simple...but its what I have been looking forward to for weeks. I told some friends that, although I enjoyed my time away from training, I sorta felt like I was in purgatory...sitting on the fringe of the sport...watching friends train hard...reading the forums on Beginner Triathlete but not being part of the action. I had this amazing year full of good things that needed attention: knee surgery, time with my husband, travel, weight loss and just plain rest...it was all wonderful...

But now...Im ALL in...

Long about July, I am sure I will write in this blog that I am DONE...that all I want is a day to sleep or a day to shop or a day to go to the spa...but right now, in this moment, I couldn't be more excited about attempting this goal one more time!!!

Let the games begin...T-361 days until Ironman!!!

I must have a guardian angel...

It's hard to put into words when I stare at the photos you see above. And I keep staring..and I keep finding it amazing that I am sitting here with the ability to write this blog...

On Monday, November 1st, 2010 at 545am, I was traveling down Interstate 4 outside of Orlando headed to one of our boot camp sites to drop off equipment. It was a typical morning. I had stopped for coffee and I was talking to a friend on my hands free who works nights at hospital. We were talking and then.....silence

It all happened so fast that I truly can't tell you what happened. I was exiting the interstate going about 50-60 mph when I looked ...and there was the Mack Dump Truck..directly in front of me and no time to stop. I went to hit the brakes and my foot slide off the brake pedal. Then...the air bag...and silence...

My "Onstar" system in the car came on with a calm female voice asking if I was ok. Ok?? I got an airbag in my face...and I wasn't sure how that could be ok. My dashboard was dark and it was an errie feeling. I tried to see out the windshield but I couldn't...the hood of my car was crumpled in a mass blocking my sight. She told me she was sending help and to stay calm. Calm? I started to shake. I knew I must be going into shock.

Without warning, a tall woman and a man who ended up being the truck driver were at my driver's door and opened it. They pulled me from the car telling me it wasn't safe. I got pulled to the side of the highway where i got a view of what really happened. There was the Mack Truck...virtually unharmed....and my car...demolished from the windshield forward. The engine laid on the ground and there was fluids everywhere. I started shaking violently. I remember thinking "Oh my god...this isn't a dream...this is real.."

The sirens sounded so loud....the lights were everywhere...the traffic was backing up and I could only recall usually being the person IN the traffic cursing the backup. I looked up at the EMT and told her I was OK....she thought otherwise and helped me to the ambulance.

A fireman handed me my purse with my phone and I called my sweet hubby who was hard asleep at home. He had just gotten home after a grueling week of flying and he was groggy. I remember thinking I have to stay calm as I told him of the accident. I kept saying "Im fine...Im ok...but I am going to the hospital." I called my business partner, Rick and gave him the news. He felt helpless with 20 boot campers in front of him. He couldn't leave...all he could do was wait for word of how I was doing.

At the hospital, I had a CT scan as they were concerned I had ruptured my spline or liver. All checked out ok. Steve was there and my brothers soon followed. They were amazed at how good I looked considering what had happened.

So here I sit, a little less than 48 hours since the accident. I saw my dear orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Susan Ott who give me a clean bill of health...no broken bones...just some bruises and a very tender knee. It is amazing to me that I am not lying in ICU...

I believe in guardian angels...

My angel must have been with me Monday morning. He must have held back the impact. God must have made sure that I was still here for a purpose....for a reason. If there was ever a moment in my life that made me appreciate that I am on this planet...it was THAT moment.

I am so overwhelmed with emotion...but one thing is absolutely certain. Whatever God has planned for me, I plan to live this life to the fullest...and that includes becoming an Ironman. I won't be driving to Panama City now...Ill be flying....and I won't have my bicycle with me...but Ill be in line to get my slot for 2011...Thanks to my guardian angel...

And now..It's a family affair

The Women's Triathlon at Moss Park on Saturday was a special day for me in a number of ways. First, and most importantly, it was my sister in law, Barbara Yergey's return to the sport of triathlon after getting married and having 3 amazing kids with my brother David. Barbara has always kept herself fit but left triathlon behind to focus on being the incredible mother that she is!! I arrived at Moss Park to find her excited and nervous all wrapped up in the same emotion. Barb had been very focused in her training and I knew she would do well...

For me, it was special because it was the first time in 11 years that I had a family member (let alone TWO family members) besides my sweet husband attending one of my races. My parents came to my very first Danskin Triathlon at Walt Disney World in 2000 and have never attended another race. My mother exclaimed at the finish line that she never wanted to see me that "Dirty, Sweaty or Tired ever again in her life." They came to Panama City for the Ironman in 2009 but refused to come to the start line or transition area to see me race. They were simply there to "take me home if I needed to be hospitalized" and nothing more.

So this sprint triathlon took on a whole new meaning to me. My brother would be in the crowd cheering. I had not trained for this race so I was concerned. How would I do??? My swim has suffered since losing weight believe it or not. Im not as buoyant as I use to be with 30 pounds off my body (hey...fat floats...what can I tell you).....so as the gun went off, I knew my swim would be slow...but I was consistent, focused and did well on my sighting. I came out of the water with the same time I had several months ago.

Into transition and there is my brother screaming for me. Don't get me wrong, I have been so incredibly blessed with amazing friends who get up at the crack of dawn and come to my races to cheer me on. Several have traveled to Ironman and made an extraordinary weekend of it including cooking, making signs for the bike course and just being supportive...but my brother. Wow!! I know he was there for his wife...but I just felt..different. I mounted up and headed out with a special type of determination. I wanted to do well .....

It became a game to see how many people I could pass. Let's face it. Im not going to pass people on the run...but on a bike...Im a monster. I love the feel of the gears, the wind, and even the pain in my quads. I love seeing the police officers on the course and thanking them for their time. I enjoy cheering on others as I pass and reminding them that Ill see them again as they pass me on the run. I returned from the bike 2 minutes faster than my last race and bounded into transition feeling pretty strong.

Its on the run that the lack of training always catches up with me. I ran/walked the 3 mile course...but knew this run time would not be stellar. As I made the turn for the finish, I could hear my brother and Barb cheering and this wave of emotion came over me. I didn't show it on the outside but inside I was just....so happy. Finally...my family was supportive ...

I was so excited for Barb and her finish. Folks...you wanna talk about someone with talent. In her first race, on a hybrid bike she took first place in her age group. I was thrilled!! My sister in law was taking home hardware.

At the awards ceremony, we took lots of pictures and exchanged lots of hugs. They had to head off to meet up with their daughters and enjoy the rest of their day so I didn't want to keep them. I got second in Athena...I probably would have done better if I had a little training under my belt. My brother David was walking to his car when heard my name called and came rushing back to the ceremony...

"Why didn't you tell me you got second" he asked...

"Because today its all about Barb and a new triathlete in the making " I told him...

He took some pictures and gave me a hug....and said the one thing I haven't heard from my family about my racing...."Im proud of you"

These things are really small...but to me...they are huge. I don't NEED my family's approval to pursue this dream...but I gotta tell ya...it sure does make me feel good inside knowing that at least one of my family understands along with my sweet hubby that this is my passion...even if I don't possess the talent my sister in law does. Can you imagine if we put her on a road or tri bike?? Oh my!!!

It was a great day...one I will remember for a long, long time.

Where in the world is Melissa Daly

It's been more than 3 months since my last blog entry which is so not like me.

Blogging is cheap therapy and gets all those crazy thoughts that float around my

head down on digital paper. For me, it is a record of the journey I still face

and the beautiful, rewarding, painful and disappointment moments in this quest

for Ironman.

My life in the last months has been somewhat removed from the world of triathlon

and a bit more focused on things near and dear to me. Go back a few entries in

my blog and you will note the 10 weeks of my summer focused on treating my

eating disorder. In that time I lost 30 pounds. I am approaching two months at

home away from treatment and have kept the weight off. It has been a struggle

as old habits will often creep back into your life when you have worked to

create new ones....but I have been consistent... Definitely not perfect but

very consistent.

I also had the opportunity to travel to Europe for 10 glorious days with 4 of my

dearest friends and with my sweet hubby. We visited 5 countries in 9 days (

Spain, Italy,France, Vatican City and Monaco) and celebrated our 25th wedding

anniversary. This year my husband and I also attended (or are about to attend)

our 25th college class reunions...another special milestone in our lives.

In this non Ironman year I have also had the honor of helping my parents plan

their 5th trip around the world. As they enter into their 80's, it is heart

warming and exciting to watch them continue to enjoy the one passion they have

pasted on to me...exploring the world. I use to tell people I spent 20 years as

a travel agent to keep track of my constantly moving parents... And this year, I

got to revisit that feeling.

2010 also brought on my first major injury in over 10 years of triathlon. A torn

meniscus and a floating piece of cartilage in my left knee took me out of racing

in April but I didn't stay out for long. 2 weeks after surgery, I did the swim

leg of the Gulf Coast Triathlon in a 3 person relay and slowly worked my way

back into racing with the completion of The Nations Triathlon with a personal

record. Thanks to Dr. Susan Ott for fixing my knee and getting back in the game.

Life without Ironman felt foreign for awhile. Let's face it.. It has been the

focus of a good part of my world for 3 years now but the break has help me to

recharge, refocus, renew and resurrect this life goal. At the end of 2009 and

the ever so close missed bike cut off at Ironman Florida, I was emotionally

burned out. There were several friends and family ( including my dear parents)

who pleaded with me to let this dream die. My mother to this day states that

Ironman is a "man's sport" and a lady has no business attempting such as this...

But ....if you're a triathlete, you understand..... The call of the finish line

is simply too great..

As I sit on this 9 hour flight home from Barcelona, my sabbatical is now over. I

have spent my year focused on husband, family and getting myself into a better

physical and emotional place. I have achieved many of my goals for this year and

it's only October but as the first week of November approaches, a new year dawns

for me...Ironman Florida 2011 is a little more than 1 year away.

Some people suggested that a new venue for my first completed Ironman might be

in order but there is no way that would be an option for me. I have a dragon to

slay in Panama City .... A few personal demons to lay to rest on that flat windy

bike course... And lord knows.. I just want to get to the run...

So.. If you are racing Ironman Florida, look for me on the course as I plan to

volunteer anywhere and everywhere so I can to cheer on those that are about to

attain the dream that I hold so dear. Each of you are heroes to me because I

truly understand what you have sacrificed to make this dream a reality. You

will also find me in line to sign up for that shot at my own dream in 2011....

See you soon in Panama City.....

Follow your Heart...Follow the Passion

Why in the world do you do what you do Melissa?

I hear this a lot. As I continue my journey in the treatment of an eating disorder, there are many women here at Structure House who can't understand why a 46 (almost 47) year old woman would want to swim, bike and run in the races that I choose. Many of them throw their hands up and say I'm crazy...but I am very happy in my insanity.

I knew I had a passion for triathlon the moment I crossed my first finish line in 2000. The elation of accomplishing what most people said was impossible thrilled me to no end. I found it easier to keep in shape if i had an end goal in mind instead of just constant trips to the gym with no goal in sight. The Sprint Distance race turned to an Olympic and then to a Half Ironman ...and then to the one goal that has fallen from my grasp twice....the Ironman.

But you must love your sport if you spend your afternoon running in 100 degree temperatures or bundle up for a below freezing bike ride in the middle of January. You must adore this pastime if you will endure the pain of blisters, missing toenails, sore muscles and fatigue. You have to have a passion for this thing they call triathlon if you will continue to pursue something that many say is impossible.

Damn, it is possible. Its not a matter of is it possible..its a matter of How bad do you want it?

I have given up my home for what will be 10 weeks to address the one obstacle that stood directly in the way of Ironman. After two attempts at the distance, it was clear. I had to lose some more weight and get my eating under control if I was to complete this challenge. So here I am, ounce by ounce removing that obstacle that has daunted me for decades.

I got an email today from an triathlete asking if I had given up on Ironman...

Just because I took a year off doesn't mean the dream has died. That dream is alive and well. If you have trained for this distance, you understand that the time commitment to this goal is enormous. It means hours away from your family, your friends and the rest of your life. Setting up an Ironman year for most is not a decision made lightly. It will consume a good chunk of your life.

So for those who asked and for those who wondered and for those that could care less...here's the answer. I will run Ironman Florida for the 3rd attempt in November 2011. Mark your calendar...Ill be there...and I guarantee a party at the finish line!!! 3 times is the charm.

Halfway through my program

Its been 5 weeks...19 pounds...8% points of body fat loss...and I feel like a different person.

But Im not going to sit here and tell you its been easy. it hasn't. I have had some wonderful "ah-ha" moments here..but I have also had some dark times when "ED" (my name for my eating disorder) rears his ugly head.

Weekends are hard here at Structure House. I occupied my time today by shopping at the local mall for clothes for our trip to the Mediterranean and our September trip to Paris. It is very motivating to go into the stores and be two sizes smaller in most of the clothes i was trying. Even my shoe size has changed (if you can believe that).

But even in the back of my mind, the desire to go and overeat is alive and well. Its learning the tools to deal with that feeling that is vital in this environment. These are the nights where the things you learn in class are applied. When its bad like this...its one hour at a time...even a few minutes at a time.

We are taught to distract and delay and to make a list of things that will keep us from stuffing our face. It can be anything from knitting to calling a friend. For me ... at the moment...its sharing the moment with you...and writing in my blog.

Its also reminding yourself that you are worth more than stuffing your face full of food that is going to taste great for about 5 seconds...and feel horrible on your body for weeks to come. I keep telling myself that the clothes that I bought today will not fit if I continue to abuse my body with food that will not build it up and keep it healthy.

Stress always plays a factor in my eating and being away from my "real life" does remove that stress so while I am here, I am trying to find ways to deal with that trigger. One way has been focusing on my run. Going for a few miles, and you can get into a zone and really relax the mind. I think it can be better than any anti-depressant ever put on the market.

So in the midst of my desire to get a Five Guys burger or piece of fried chicken or any dessert...here I am ...chronicling that moment of....should I or shouldn't I? Admitting to the world that you have a problem is so not attractive...but maybe this will help someone else who is struggling with the same issues.

The fear of change...The pull of addiction

Routine is so comfortable....that same part of the couch...that favorite restaurant where the food is just to your liking....that soft shirt that you wear over and over again. Routine....is so easy....it means you remain in your comfort zone.

Welcome to living outside your comfort zone and the emotions attached to it. For two weeks now, I have lived in a very comfortable environment with familar elements: strength training, swimming, biking and running....but and this is a BIG but...they have stripped away the things that made my life manageable and comfortable:

Food...and Diet Coke.

I know it sounds crazy but I had a serious addiction to the bubbly sweet stuff in that red and white can. I drank 10 a day easy ...sometimes an entire 12 pack. I had enough sodium and caffeine running in my system to power a small town. This habit, however, has been years in the making and one that had to be shut down.

So, along with changing my eating habits, I had my last Diet Coke two weeks ago. It sounds like it should be no big deal: WRONG. My head was pounding. I felt like someone had laid an ax right in the middle of my skull. Long about the 4th day, I had to crawl into my dark bedroom and just sleep...the pounding in my head was just too much.

Once the headaches finally subsided, I got this feeling of true "health". My body felt significantly better from the inside out. I can not tell you how long it has taken me and how many times I have tried giving up this stuff...but finally...I think I got a handle on it.

As much as I enjoy that feeling, I knew that my desire for food would eventually rear its ugly head and tonight...it did. I went to see my friends who work over at the UNC Hospital on their coffee break. As I made the turn out of the parking lot, it was like this little evil devil was sitting on my shoulder telling me to go to a drive thru and have a night full of junk food.

I can now tell you every single fast food joint between Chapel Hill and Durham. There are 19...yes...count them if you like...that I could have stopped at and loaded up on those foods that got me to this place...

But for some reason I didn't...

I made it the few miles back to my apartment....picked up my phone and called a friend who had told me "if you have a problem..call me"

She is an alcoholic so she understands. Addiction is tough stuff. One day at a time sometimes turns into one hour or one minute at a time. And here I sit. Laptop in high gear helping me get through that feeling of utter helplessness. For some reason I have equated food with comfort and safety. The more the better.

Tonight I decided....NO MORE.

I won this battle...I let you know if I win enough of those battles to win the war...

As always...ill keep you posted on the good, the bad, and ...moments like this that are not my prettiest side!

Remembering a Hero

My heart is very heavy today. Yesterday, a dear friend, teammate and cancer warrior lost his battle with Leukemia and I am sad...and I am soooo incredible angry.

Doug Oxendine was a devoted husband, a father of two and a warrior against CML Leukemia. He participated and earned a Triple Crown with Team in Training (doing 3 events: a marathon, triathlon and 100 mile bike ride). He was an amazing speaker, a supportive teammate...and above all he was a helluva man and a wonderful friend. Yesterday, he earned another title: he became an angel.

Cancer is coward. It picks on little kids. It kicks adults when they are down. It hides away and attacks those that have fought the fight and won only to return and terrorise someones life and family. Cancer sucks and it still is my life mission to find a cure.

Many people have asked me why I stay and continue doing fundraising events with Team in Training. The answer is simple. No family should have a birth and a death certificate in the same envelope for their child. No wife should be left behind to raise two children on her own. No Husband should stand at a bedside and pray to switch places with their loving spouse who is fighting a disease that has no conscience. That's why....because Cancer is a Bastard.

Yesterday, I heard that Doug had passed and I was heartbroken. Today Im angry. Tomorrow I will be determined....Determined to continue to raise money and find a cure....

If you have never done a 5k for breast cancer or donated to a Team in Training participant who is raising money for a cure, or thought about becoming part of the bone marrow registry, I highly encourage you to consider it.

Your donation could keep the next family from this awful life changing fate.

Thanks for listening...Ill jump off my soapbox now...

Week One = 8 pounds

Soooo....this is a great start. My first 7 days at Structure House and I have lost 8 pounds. Now, I know its going to slow down (actually...I have been the same weight since Friday as we are required to weigh in every day) but thats ok...its the feeling of being on the right track that gives me a bit more peace.

I have slept more in the last week than I have in probably a month. I am trying very hard to listen to my body, learn from my classes, get all my workouts in and be consistent with my therapy sessions. To most people, this sounds like a vacation...but for me...I am on a mission. Come hell...come high water...i am determined to get myself into a good space about food, get the weight off and get back on track towards Ironman.

I never thought I would ever say this...but I miss my long run workouts. I miss hours on the bike. As i look back at the middle of Ironman training last year, all I wanted was a few days off. My body was pleading for rest. Now, my mind is pleading for challenge.

That challenge is coming...this time in the form of the Miami Half Ironman where the cut off is fairly strict.

Always chasing that clock....

As always...Ill keep you posted... :)

Bike Trails in Durham NC

We are so blessed in Orlando and the surrounding areas with beautiful long bike trails with facilities and little towns along the way. I am just starting to explore this town that I have enjoyed a few times in the past but what it is lacking is LONG bike trails that are paved. As we are in a more mountainous area, mountain biking is a little more popular than road cycling so finding a bike trail is a bit of a challenge...but I found one...and its perfect for shorter distance workouts..

The American Tobacco Trail sits right off the Durham Bulls Baseball stadium in Downtown Durham. Just 6.5 miles one way, it has many bridges and a few street crossings but for a urban trail, it is lovely. I got up early to try to beat the heat but by the time my workout was done at 9am, it was already 90 degress.

The trail is a bit hilly for a Florida girl but that should help to make my legs a little stronger. A short 1 hour workout with a bit of a nearby road added for mileage and my knee was reminding me that it needs work!! I know if I do a bit more research, I can find some beautiful roads to workout on as I enjoy North Carolina...

As always...ill keep you posted...

No...I didn't fall off the face of the earth

Well....Im back to blogland. As I have said in previous blogs, if I am not writing, things are probably not well in well-ville. Things are not horrible but to say I was in a good place with my eating would be a bold face lie.

A week long family cruise shortly after the Gulf Coast Triathlon put the eating machine in motion. Who in the world thought that unlimited soft serve ice cream machines onboard a ship were a good idea. It sounds great...but for a compulsive overeater like me, it was almost too much to handle. By the 3rd day, I was making 2 or 3 trips to that troth. Add in the gourmet evening meals that started at 830 and breakfast being delivered to your room and it was just overload. I walked away from that cruise gaining 6 pounds.

With very little or no exercise from my knee surgery forward, it was time to ramp it up and get my life back in order. As I mentioned in my MUCH earlier posts, I had made a decision to return to Structure House in Durham, NC to get my weight down and my eating under control. I arrived here on June 13 and to date, I have lost 8 or the 16 I put on since knee surgery.

Being in a closed environment is a comforting experience but it can be very lonely. My dear husband, who has always been supportive of the things that I do, has cheered me on as I entered this program even though it leaves him alone and without his partner in crime for his adventures on his days off. Just yesterday, he flew to see my parents in the Bahamas and brought my father his Father's Day gift. He stood on my parent's deck overlooking the water and told me "it just doesn't feel right here without you."

Having an addiction means you miss a lot. I miss working out with my team in Training participants in Orlando. I miss training my Team Tri Hard athletes as they continue on towards bigger and better triathlons. I miss working with my trainer, Hector and attending bike trainer sessions. To get this demon under control, it means i must miss out on life...and that is a sad state of affairs.

Don't think Im sitting here crying in my beer (ohhhh a beer sounds good right now)...I am determined. I have 7 more weeks to get my act in gear and get this weight off my body. While I am doing that, lets see if I can get my body back up to speed for a half ironman in October...

And as always...now that Im back...I will keep you posted...

It was the best of times & worst of times-The Gulf Coast Tri

May 8th, 2010 had had a huge red circle around it since January...and here it was...the day I had a lot of hopes riding on. At the beginning of the year, it was the weight loss goal date for Ironman. When we realized a scheduling conflict with my husband's 25th college reunion would keep me from racing Ironman in 2010, May 8th became my A race date. When knee surgery kept me from completing the entire half ironman race, it became the date that two friends would come to my aid to help me at least participate in one of my favorite races.

Along with the incredible support of Mike and Vi Auld, Rebecca Babb and Sandi Fuller got up early Saturday morning and headed down to the transition area to set gear and get body marked. As we awoke, I made a beeline to the balcony and, to my shock, the weather had changed dramatically overnight. Even in the dark, I could see the whitecaps beyond the surfline and felt a very strong wind. It was gonna be a challenge today.

We returned to the room after setting gear, ate some breakfast and waited. I hate the waiting. It puts my stomach in knots. Since we were a relay team, that put us in the last wave leaving the beach at 715am. It also meant a rougher sea. I watched from the balcony to see how the other swimmers were handling the conditions. As I watched the professionals getting pushed off course and crossing the timing mat 5 to 9 minutes slower than usual, I knew...I was in for a difficult task.

Finally... I am on the beach, gun goes off and I hit the water. The temperature is perfect but you could feel that the sea was disorganized and messy. There was no rhyme or reason to the wave cycle and it made breathing and being consistent in my stroke nearly impossible.

Getting to the first turn buoy at the end of the first leg of the counter clockwise course took FOREVER. The support teams seemed to be having a hard time staying upright in their kayaks let alone being able to help swimmers. I was all over the place and I don't usually have a problem siteing but the buoys going out on the course were GREEN...and so was the water. Oh Lord, I thought, I gotta make this cut off.

I finally made it around the first turn buoy and didn't dare look at my watch. Working against the current, I made it to the other side of the course and the second turn. It was only then that I looked at my watch in absolute horror. 40 minutes ! WHAT!? A wave slapped me in the face and I ingested enough seawater to make me a little ill. For a single second I thought I was going to need some help. I composed myself with a few breast strokes and got back to the task of swimming.

The current pushed me so far off course that I ended up siteing the condo building instead of the buoys. I decided it would be
easier just to go to shore and run up the beach than to try to go against the current and get back to the buoys. I would later find out that I was not alone in this issue. Over 3 dozen swimmers ended up running up the beach to get to the swim exit.

I got nervous and started looking at my watch too much and the negative thoughts came pouring in. Finally I screamed underwater, DON'T GIVE UP!! It became my mantra as I headed into shore....Don't give up..don't give up...don't give up.

As I finally made it to land, I broke into a run up the beach. Three steps in, my knee reminded me that I was 3 weeks post op from surgery and I was in agony. Walking on pavement had become easy. Running on sand was brutal.

I looked at my watch....I was 2:30 minutes from the cut off as I headed towards the timing mats. I looked like a woman possessed as I struggled to the timing mat. I looked at the official and said "Im on time...I made it..." She must have thought I was insane because I was determined to get by her without her stopping me. Apparently, I WAS on time...they had allotted an extra 5 minutes to the swim cut off due to the conditions. I stepped on the mat at a time that I thought was past the cut off, but I had 4 minutes and 45 seconds to spar. I turned around and looked behind me and saw swimmers still coming in!! Oh my god, Im not last!!!

Up the sand I went, knee screaming at this point to stop. I was focused on getting to the relay tent and handing off the chip to Rebecca to get her on the road. The skies were dark and I was afraid that the rain was coming. The sooner she was out there, the sooner I would know she was back and ok.

As I made it through the tunnel, Rebecca screamed with joy!!! I am sure she thought that I was NOT going to make the cut off. I told her I had made a date with her and I don't stand up my dates!! I took the chip off and collapsed on the ground . She wanted to help me and I just said GO GIRL...and off she went for 56 miles of wind on the bike course.

Volunteers are angels with wings. Two came to my aid and helped me to a bench where I could put my knee up. They got ice to try to get the swelling down on my knee so I could make it back to the condo. I got out of transition and hobbled to the side of the road with Mike's help. Vi and Sandi were already there waited for Rebecca to make the small loop that circled back in front of us before the longer section of the bike course. She pasted us with good speed and a smile and we headed up to the room to wait for her return.

My knee was not happy with the sandy run but after a bit of a nap, it felt dramatically better. A hot shower, a little to eat and I was golden. I grabbed Mike's cane that he let me borrow as a fail safe and after 2.5 hours of waiting, we headed back to transition.

We waited..and worried. There was word of a crash with a number close to our 1149 team number. We waited some more..and worried. Rebecca arrived exhausted but smiling after a windy 56 miles with a touch of rain to make it interesting. She tagged up with an impatient Sandi who couldn't wait to get to the run. So began the worry for Sandi as she started her run close to the middle of the day.

As fates would have it, the sun came blazing out as Sandi started her run earning this 13.1 miles the Gulf Roast..instead of the Gulf Coast. We got Rebecca back up to the room where she took a cool bath and relaxed. She shook her head at me as we headed upstairs saying "Melissa..I don't know how you do this....all three events at once...its seriously tough!!!"

I once again closed my eyes for a quickie nap but before I knew it, it was time to run across the finish line with Sandi. Mike had headed out on the course to let us know when she was a mile out. It was a good thing too. It seems some of the volunteers had left their posts early and she didn't have much encouragement in those last two miles...but you gotta love Mike...he is always there with a smile and a cheer.

Rebecca, Vi and I waited impatiently at the finish line for Sandi's arrival. In the distance, we finally saw her...with incredibly perfect form considering the conditions running down Thomas Drive. She was hot but she gave us a wave and a smile (and some other gestures that are very hard to describe...Ill show you sometime!!) and we all three headed towards the finish line!!! All smiles for the camera and a cold beer for Sandi (we promised after 13 miles we would have a beer waiting) and it was time to celebrate.

Did we win any awards?? Nope! Just a finishers medal that we would learn later is actually a bottle opener (Im not really sure how I feel about that...)..but no prizes for us. Our times were horrible but I guarantee you...we had the MOST FUN of any team on the course. When returning to the room and our view of the ocean, I cried. How blessed am I to have friends who would step up and take on this challenge with me. How even more lucky am I to have friends who will travel 6 hours to support our efforts. I swear...this race brought me back to center again and reminded me...this sport is suppose to be fun and not all pressure. On this day...it was about teamwork...and joy...and celebration...and laughter...but above all...for me...it reminded me of why I got into this sport. Its a medal I will cherish the most because me friends helped me when I couldn't do it alone.

Another amazing life experience for the books...I am so incredibly lucky.

Back to the scene of the crime

You would think I would hate this place...but, Lord help me I love it here...

Greetings from Panama City Beach...my own personal crucible. I have had some great moments here. I have had others that broke my heart. There were moments on this beach where I thought about giving up my dream of become an Ironman but its just not in my nature to walk away for a goal such as this. I may be taking the year to get my body in order, but this place...this goal...this dream is alive and well in me.

The sun is rising over the beach. I am perched out on the balcony of my condo at the Boardwalk Beach Resort overlooking the swim course of the Gulf Coast Triathlon that starts tomorrow. It will be a unique race for me as I participate in a relay team. I will only be doing the 1.2 mile swim because of my knee surgery. Its hard to walk around and watch the race preparation unfold but I am excited for my friends who have stepped up to be on the Team Tri Hard Half Ironman Relay Team.

Once I exit the water, Ill be tagging up with my friend Rebecca Babb. She is a 20's something up and coming triathlete with a positive attitude and a lot of talent. She has had her share of bumps in the road but she is strong and eager to do well in this race. She and I raced at the Nation's Triathlon last year for Team in Training and she blistered the course with her speed on the bike and run. She is famous in Orlando for wearing her purple tutu to 5k races or stashing her superhero cape in transition to compliment her outfit on the run of a triathlon. This is JUST the type of person I need on my team...determined...but doesn't tae it all too seriously.

As Rebecca completes her 56 mile bike, she will tag up with one of my dearest friends, Sandi Fuller. Sandi has been doing marathons and half marathons with me for over 5 years. We have enjoyed a beer standing in the surf at Virginia Beach after numerous half marathons and braved the race elements in cities like Nashville, Tampa, and Cocoa . Sandi is fast and naturally talented so when we suggested this relay she was thrilled. It will be her first time participating in a triathlon and her first triathlon medal.

So with a little help from my friends, I will complete this race. My only fear is getting up the sand on the beach to the transition area....and...of course, I have the fear of not making the cut off. The relay wave is the final wave of the day at 715am...I have until 825am to complete. My average time in the swim is from 55 minutes to 1 hour...so I should be ok...but i always worry...ALWAYS!!

As I sip my coffee and look out of this beautiful water (which right now has not been touch by the oil spill near Louisiana), my mind can't help thinking about that day in 18 months when I will be crossing a finish line and achieving a dream...

Ill keep you posted on the race tomorrow...