The Journey begins again...I'm in for 2011

I have enjoyed my year off...really I have ...but deep down in my gut, I really couldn't wait for this day. I woke up at 400am and couldn't go back to sleep. Today was the day I would get another chance at achieving my dream...and there it is in my hot little hand.

This is the easy part you know...signing your name on a dotted line saying you're gonna compete in the Ironman is so simple...but its what I have been looking forward to for weeks. I told some friends that, although I enjoyed my time away from training, I sorta felt like I was in purgatory...sitting on the fringe of the sport...watching friends train hard...reading the forums on Beginner Triathlete but not being part of the action. I had this amazing year full of good things that needed attention: knee surgery, time with my husband, travel, weight loss and just plain rest...it was all wonderful...

But now...Im ALL in...

Long about July, I am sure I will write in this blog that I am DONE...that all I want is a day to sleep or a day to shop or a day to go to the spa...but right now, in this moment, I couldn't be more excited about attempting this goal one more time!!!

Let the games begin...T-361 days until Ironman!!!

I must have a guardian angel...

It's hard to put into words when I stare at the photos you see above. And I keep staring..and I keep finding it amazing that I am sitting here with the ability to write this blog...

On Monday, November 1st, 2010 at 545am, I was traveling down Interstate 4 outside of Orlando headed to one of our boot camp sites to drop off equipment. It was a typical morning. I had stopped for coffee and I was talking to a friend on my hands free who works nights at hospital. We were talking and then.....silence

It all happened so fast that I truly can't tell you what happened. I was exiting the interstate going about 50-60 mph when I looked ...and there was the Mack Dump Truck..directly in front of me and no time to stop. I went to hit the brakes and my foot slide off the brake pedal. Then...the air bag...and silence...

My "Onstar" system in the car came on with a calm female voice asking if I was ok. Ok?? I got an airbag in my face...and I wasn't sure how that could be ok. My dashboard was dark and it was an errie feeling. I tried to see out the windshield but I couldn't...the hood of my car was crumpled in a mass blocking my sight. She told me she was sending help and to stay calm. Calm? I started to shake. I knew I must be going into shock.

Without warning, a tall woman and a man who ended up being the truck driver were at my driver's door and opened it. They pulled me from the car telling me it wasn't safe. I got pulled to the side of the highway where i got a view of what really happened. There was the Mack Truck...virtually unharmed....and my car...demolished from the windshield forward. The engine laid on the ground and there was fluids everywhere. I started shaking violently. I remember thinking "Oh my god...this isn't a dream...this is real.."

The sirens sounded so loud....the lights were everywhere...the traffic was backing up and I could only recall usually being the person IN the traffic cursing the backup. I looked up at the EMT and told her I was OK....she thought otherwise and helped me to the ambulance.

A fireman handed me my purse with my phone and I called my sweet hubby who was hard asleep at home. He had just gotten home after a grueling week of flying and he was groggy. I remember thinking I have to stay calm as I told him of the accident. I kept saying "Im fine...Im ok...but I am going to the hospital." I called my business partner, Rick and gave him the news. He felt helpless with 20 boot campers in front of him. He couldn't leave...all he could do was wait for word of how I was doing.

At the hospital, I had a CT scan as they were concerned I had ruptured my spline or liver. All checked out ok. Steve was there and my brothers soon followed. They were amazed at how good I looked considering what had happened.

So here I sit, a little less than 48 hours since the accident. I saw my dear orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Susan Ott who give me a clean bill of health...no broken bones...just some bruises and a very tender knee. It is amazing to me that I am not lying in ICU...

I believe in guardian angels...

My angel must have been with me Monday morning. He must have held back the impact. God must have made sure that I was still here for a purpose....for a reason. If there was ever a moment in my life that made me appreciate that I am on this planet...it was THAT moment.

I am so overwhelmed with emotion...but one thing is absolutely certain. Whatever God has planned for me, I plan to live this life to the fullest...and that includes becoming an Ironman. I won't be driving to Panama City now...Ill be flying....and I won't have my bicycle with me...but Ill be in line to get my slot for 2011...Thanks to my guardian angel...

And now..It's a family affair

The Women's Triathlon at Moss Park on Saturday was a special day for me in a number of ways. First, and most importantly, it was my sister in law, Barbara Yergey's return to the sport of triathlon after getting married and having 3 amazing kids with my brother David. Barbara has always kept herself fit but left triathlon behind to focus on being the incredible mother that she is!! I arrived at Moss Park to find her excited and nervous all wrapped up in the same emotion. Barb had been very focused in her training and I knew she would do well...

For me, it was special because it was the first time in 11 years that I had a family member (let alone TWO family members) besides my sweet husband attending one of my races. My parents came to my very first Danskin Triathlon at Walt Disney World in 2000 and have never attended another race. My mother exclaimed at the finish line that she never wanted to see me that "Dirty, Sweaty or Tired ever again in her life." They came to Panama City for the Ironman in 2009 but refused to come to the start line or transition area to see me race. They were simply there to "take me home if I needed to be hospitalized" and nothing more.

So this sprint triathlon took on a whole new meaning to me. My brother would be in the crowd cheering. I had not trained for this race so I was concerned. How would I do??? My swim has suffered since losing weight believe it or not. Im not as buoyant as I use to be with 30 pounds off my body (hey...fat floats...what can I tell you).....so as the gun went off, I knew my swim would be slow...but I was consistent, focused and did well on my sighting. I came out of the water with the same time I had several months ago.

Into transition and there is my brother screaming for me. Don't get me wrong, I have been so incredibly blessed with amazing friends who get up at the crack of dawn and come to my races to cheer me on. Several have traveled to Ironman and made an extraordinary weekend of it including cooking, making signs for the bike course and just being supportive...but my brother. Wow!! I know he was there for his wife...but I just felt..different. I mounted up and headed out with a special type of determination. I wanted to do well .....

It became a game to see how many people I could pass. Let's face it. Im not going to pass people on the run...but on a bike...Im a monster. I love the feel of the gears, the wind, and even the pain in my quads. I love seeing the police officers on the course and thanking them for their time. I enjoy cheering on others as I pass and reminding them that Ill see them again as they pass me on the run. I returned from the bike 2 minutes faster than my last race and bounded into transition feeling pretty strong.

Its on the run that the lack of training always catches up with me. I ran/walked the 3 mile course...but knew this run time would not be stellar. As I made the turn for the finish, I could hear my brother and Barb cheering and this wave of emotion came over me. I didn't show it on the outside but inside I was just....so happy. Finally...my family was supportive ...

I was so excited for Barb and her finish. Folks...you wanna talk about someone with talent. In her first race, on a hybrid bike she took first place in her age group. I was thrilled!! My sister in law was taking home hardware.

At the awards ceremony, we took lots of pictures and exchanged lots of hugs. They had to head off to meet up with their daughters and enjoy the rest of their day so I didn't want to keep them. I got second in Athena...I probably would have done better if I had a little training under my belt. My brother David was walking to his car when heard my name called and came rushing back to the ceremony...

"Why didn't you tell me you got second" he asked...

"Because today its all about Barb and a new triathlete in the making " I told him...

He took some pictures and gave me a hug....and said the one thing I haven't heard from my family about my racing...."Im proud of you"

These things are really small...but to me...they are huge. I don't NEED my family's approval to pursue this dream...but I gotta tell ya...it sure does make me feel good inside knowing that at least one of my family understands along with my sweet hubby that this is my passion...even if I don't possess the talent my sister in law does. Can you imagine if we put her on a road or tri bike?? Oh my!!!

It was a great day...one I will remember for a long, long time.

Where in the world is Melissa Daly

It's been more than 3 months since my last blog entry which is so not like me.

Blogging is cheap therapy and gets all those crazy thoughts that float around my

head down on digital paper. For me, it is a record of the journey I still face

and the beautiful, rewarding, painful and disappointment moments in this quest

for Ironman.

My life in the last months has been somewhat removed from the world of triathlon

and a bit more focused on things near and dear to me. Go back a few entries in

my blog and you will note the 10 weeks of my summer focused on treating my

eating disorder. In that time I lost 30 pounds. I am approaching two months at

home away from treatment and have kept the weight off. It has been a struggle

as old habits will often creep back into your life when you have worked to

create new ones....but I have been consistent... Definitely not perfect but

very consistent.

I also had the opportunity to travel to Europe for 10 glorious days with 4 of my

dearest friends and with my sweet hubby. We visited 5 countries in 9 days (

Spain, Italy,France, Vatican City and Monaco) and celebrated our 25th wedding

anniversary. This year my husband and I also attended (or are about to attend)

our 25th college class reunions...another special milestone in our lives.

In this non Ironman year I have also had the honor of helping my parents plan

their 5th trip around the world. As they enter into their 80's, it is heart

warming and exciting to watch them continue to enjoy the one passion they have

pasted on to me...exploring the world. I use to tell people I spent 20 years as

a travel agent to keep track of my constantly moving parents... And this year, I

got to revisit that feeling.

2010 also brought on my first major injury in over 10 years of triathlon. A torn

meniscus and a floating piece of cartilage in my left knee took me out of racing

in April but I didn't stay out for long. 2 weeks after surgery, I did the swim

leg of the Gulf Coast Triathlon in a 3 person relay and slowly worked my way

back into racing with the completion of The Nations Triathlon with a personal

record. Thanks to Dr. Susan Ott for fixing my knee and getting back in the game.

Life without Ironman felt foreign for awhile. Let's face it.. It has been the

focus of a good part of my world for 3 years now but the break has help me to

recharge, refocus, renew and resurrect this life goal. At the end of 2009 and

the ever so close missed bike cut off at Ironman Florida, I was emotionally

burned out. There were several friends and family ( including my dear parents)

who pleaded with me to let this dream die. My mother to this day states that

Ironman is a "man's sport" and a lady has no business attempting such as this...

But ....if you're a triathlete, you understand..... The call of the finish line

is simply too great..

As I sit on this 9 hour flight home from Barcelona, my sabbatical is now over. I

have spent my year focused on husband, family and getting myself into a better

physical and emotional place. I have achieved many of my goals for this year and

it's only October but as the first week of November approaches, a new year dawns

for me...Ironman Florida 2011 is a little more than 1 year away.

Some people suggested that a new venue for my first completed Ironman might be

in order but there is no way that would be an option for me. I have a dragon to

slay in Panama City .... A few personal demons to lay to rest on that flat windy

bike course... And lord knows.. I just want to get to the run...

So.. If you are racing Ironman Florida, look for me on the course as I plan to

volunteer anywhere and everywhere so I can to cheer on those that are about to

attain the dream that I hold so dear. Each of you are heroes to me because I

truly understand what you have sacrificed to make this dream a reality. You

will also find me in line to sign up for that shot at my own dream in 2011....

See you soon in Panama City.....

Follow your Heart...Follow the Passion

Why in the world do you do what you do Melissa?

I hear this a lot. As I continue my journey in the treatment of an eating disorder, there are many women here at Structure House who can't understand why a 46 (almost 47) year old woman would want to swim, bike and run in the races that I choose. Many of them throw their hands up and say I'm crazy...but I am very happy in my insanity.

I knew I had a passion for triathlon the moment I crossed my first finish line in 2000. The elation of accomplishing what most people said was impossible thrilled me to no end. I found it easier to keep in shape if i had an end goal in mind instead of just constant trips to the gym with no goal in sight. The Sprint Distance race turned to an Olympic and then to a Half Ironman ...and then to the one goal that has fallen from my grasp twice....the Ironman.

But you must love your sport if you spend your afternoon running in 100 degree temperatures or bundle up for a below freezing bike ride in the middle of January. You must adore this pastime if you will endure the pain of blisters, missing toenails, sore muscles and fatigue. You have to have a passion for this thing they call triathlon if you will continue to pursue something that many say is impossible.

Damn, it is possible. Its not a matter of is it possible..its a matter of How bad do you want it?

I have given up my home for what will be 10 weeks to address the one obstacle that stood directly in the way of Ironman. After two attempts at the distance, it was clear. I had to lose some more weight and get my eating under control if I was to complete this challenge. So here I am, ounce by ounce removing that obstacle that has daunted me for decades.

I got an email today from an triathlete asking if I had given up on Ironman...

Just because I took a year off doesn't mean the dream has died. That dream is alive and well. If you have trained for this distance, you understand that the time commitment to this goal is enormous. It means hours away from your family, your friends and the rest of your life. Setting up an Ironman year for most is not a decision made lightly. It will consume a good chunk of your life.

So for those who asked and for those who wondered and for those that could care less...here's the answer. I will run Ironman Florida for the 3rd attempt in November 2011. Mark your calendar...Ill be there...and I guarantee a party at the finish line!!! 3 times is the charm.

Halfway through my program

Its been 5 weeks...19 pounds...8% points of body fat loss...and I feel like a different person.

But Im not going to sit here and tell you its been easy. it hasn't. I have had some wonderful "ah-ha" moments here..but I have also had some dark times when "ED" (my name for my eating disorder) rears his ugly head.

Weekends are hard here at Structure House. I occupied my time today by shopping at the local mall for clothes for our trip to the Mediterranean and our September trip to Paris. It is very motivating to go into the stores and be two sizes smaller in most of the clothes i was trying. Even my shoe size has changed (if you can believe that).

But even in the back of my mind, the desire to go and overeat is alive and well. Its learning the tools to deal with that feeling that is vital in this environment. These are the nights where the things you learn in class are applied. When its bad like this...its one hour at a time...even a few minutes at a time.

We are taught to distract and delay and to make a list of things that will keep us from stuffing our face. It can be anything from knitting to calling a friend. For me ... at the moment...its sharing the moment with you...and writing in my blog.

Its also reminding yourself that you are worth more than stuffing your face full of food that is going to taste great for about 5 seconds...and feel horrible on your body for weeks to come. I keep telling myself that the clothes that I bought today will not fit if I continue to abuse my body with food that will not build it up and keep it healthy.

Stress always plays a factor in my eating and being away from my "real life" does remove that stress so while I am here, I am trying to find ways to deal with that trigger. One way has been focusing on my run. Going for a few miles, and you can get into a zone and really relax the mind. I think it can be better than any anti-depressant ever put on the market.

So in the midst of my desire to get a Five Guys burger or piece of fried chicken or any dessert...here I am ...chronicling that moment of....should I or shouldn't I? Admitting to the world that you have a problem is so not attractive...but maybe this will help someone else who is struggling with the same issues.

The fear of change...The pull of addiction

Routine is so comfortable....that same part of the couch...that favorite restaurant where the food is just to your liking....that soft shirt that you wear over and over again. Routine....is so easy....it means you remain in your comfort zone.

Welcome to living outside your comfort zone and the emotions attached to it. For two weeks now, I have lived in a very comfortable environment with familar elements: strength training, swimming, biking and running....but and this is a BIG but...they have stripped away the things that made my life manageable and comfortable:

Food...and Diet Coke.

I know it sounds crazy but I had a serious addiction to the bubbly sweet stuff in that red and white can. I drank 10 a day easy ...sometimes an entire 12 pack. I had enough sodium and caffeine running in my system to power a small town. This habit, however, has been years in the making and one that had to be shut down.

So, along with changing my eating habits, I had my last Diet Coke two weeks ago. It sounds like it should be no big deal: WRONG. My head was pounding. I felt like someone had laid an ax right in the middle of my skull. Long about the 4th day, I had to crawl into my dark bedroom and just sleep...the pounding in my head was just too much.

Once the headaches finally subsided, I got this feeling of true "health". My body felt significantly better from the inside out. I can not tell you how long it has taken me and how many times I have tried giving up this stuff...but finally...I think I got a handle on it.

As much as I enjoy that feeling, I knew that my desire for food would eventually rear its ugly head and tonight...it did. I went to see my friends who work over at the UNC Hospital on their coffee break. As I made the turn out of the parking lot, it was like this little evil devil was sitting on my shoulder telling me to go to a drive thru and have a night full of junk food.

I can now tell you every single fast food joint between Chapel Hill and Durham. There are 19...yes...count them if you like...that I could have stopped at and loaded up on those foods that got me to this place...

But for some reason I didn't...

I made it the few miles back to my apartment....picked up my phone and called a friend who had told me "if you have a problem..call me"

She is an alcoholic so she understands. Addiction is tough stuff. One day at a time sometimes turns into one hour or one minute at a time. And here I sit. Laptop in high gear helping me get through that feeling of utter helplessness. For some reason I have equated food with comfort and safety. The more the better.

Tonight I decided....NO MORE.

I won this battle...I let you know if I win enough of those battles to win the war...

As always...ill keep you posted on the good, the bad, and ...moments like this that are not my prettiest side!