Monday, June 28, 2010

The fear of change...The pull of addiction

Routine is so comfortable....that same part of the couch...that favorite restaurant where the food is just to your liking....that soft shirt that you wear over and over again. Routine....is so easy....it means you remain in your comfort zone.

Welcome to living outside your comfort zone and the emotions attached to it. For two weeks now, I have lived in a very comfortable environment with familar elements: strength training, swimming, biking and running....but and this is a BIG but...they have stripped away the things that made my life manageable and comfortable:

Food...and Diet Coke.

I know it sounds crazy but I had a serious addiction to the bubbly sweet stuff in that red and white can. I drank 10 a day easy ...sometimes an entire 12 pack. I had enough sodium and caffeine running in my system to power a small town. This habit, however, has been years in the making and one that had to be shut down.

So, along with changing my eating habits, I had my last Diet Coke two weeks ago. It sounds like it should be no big deal: WRONG. My head was pounding. I felt like someone had laid an ax right in the middle of my skull. Long about the 4th day, I had to crawl into my dark bedroom and just sleep...the pounding in my head was just too much.

Once the headaches finally subsided, I got this feeling of true "health". My body felt significantly better from the inside out. I can not tell you how long it has taken me and how many times I have tried giving up this stuff...but finally...I think I got a handle on it.

As much as I enjoy that feeling, I knew that my desire for food would eventually rear its ugly head and tonight...it did. I went to see my friends who work over at the UNC Hospital on their coffee break. As I made the turn out of the parking lot, it was like this little evil devil was sitting on my shoulder telling me to go to a drive thru and have a night full of junk food.

I can now tell you every single fast food joint between Chapel Hill and Durham. There are 19...yes...count them if you like...that I could have stopped at and loaded up on those foods that got me to this place...

But for some reason I didn't...

I made it the few miles back to my apartment....picked up my phone and called a friend who had told me "if you have a problem..call me"

She is an alcoholic so she understands. Addiction is tough stuff. One day at a time sometimes turns into one hour or one minute at a time. And here I sit. Laptop in high gear helping me get through that feeling of utter helplessness. For some reason I have equated food with comfort and safety. The more the better.

Tonight I decided....NO MORE.

I won this battle...I let you know if I win enough of those battles to win the war...

As always...ill keep you posted on the good, the bad, and ...moments like this that are not my prettiest side!

14 comments:

LauraLynne said...

*applauding*

...and once again inspired. Thank you.

My husband asked me tonight what my next goal was (I ran a half marathon on Saturday! report in my blog) and I told him my next goal was a half ironman...and we'll see after that. You've shown me it can be done with determination and hard work. Thank you for inspiring me and teaching me to dream.

The Running Girl said...

Way to pass those fast food joints! Sounds like you are making some serious progress. Way to go!!!

Tri Mommy said...

I am so proud of you! You can do this, and you just proved it to yourself. It won't be easy, but then nothing worth doing is.

Kristin (Triathlon Dreams) said...

Very true. Its hard when food was your addiction. I live with that everyday, trying to eat right while everyone else around you is eating cookies, cakes, chocolate. Congrats on passing on the fast food!!!

貴寶 said...
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家賢 said...
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香昱信張君林 said...
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Hassan said...

Only the addict knows what it feels like to have to deal with that craving one minute at a time. The best thing about those minutes…is that they pass! Every single time they pass! Here one minute, gone the next (hehe I couldn’t help myself). But when its over and you have won, it makes it just a little easier to deal with it the next time. Because like all things “this too shall pass!”

懿綺懿綺 said...
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婉婷 said...

Better be the head of a dog than the tail of a lion...................................................................

雲亨雲亨雲亨 said...

外表往往與事實不符,世人卻容易被外表的裝飾所欺騙。.......................................................

李志杰 said...

他能,假使他想他能;他不能,假使他想他不能。.......................................................

芳綠 said...

生存乃是不斷地在內心與靈魂交戰;寫作是坐著審判自己。. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

雅莊王edgd春2蕙婷余惠其 said...

天氣涼了~要注意身體喔@~@..................................................................