Monday, November 30, 2009

The dreaded scale and the week after Thanksgiving

Soooo...I followed my plan this week..considering the avalanche of food that was placed in front of me. From Thanksgiving at Disney, cooking for events and a multitude of food choices at the end of a half marathon on Sunday, I made some smart choices

Or so I thought...

With a long work day on Thanksgiving AND a completed Half Marathon, I gained 1.8 pounds.

Total Utter Frustration.

But I have not lost hope. I have not thrown up my hands and said "Oh well...I guess I can't make it to my goal." That is what I have done in many years past. After two weigh ins at Weight Watchers, I usually disappear into a sea of excuses because I just can't stand the damn scale...

Not this time...

My dream is attached to this goal now. My dream of becoming an Ironman rides on getting this weight off. Many people told me that I should have waited until AFTER the holidays to start this weight loss journey...but then I would have run the risk of gaining 5 or 7 pounds during Thanksgiving instead of my 1.8 pounds.

No excuses. No compromise. It sucks that I didn't lose this week but I am determined.

Stay the course....

Sunday, November 29, 2009

The Space Coast Half Marathon

For several years, I had a group of girlfriends who loved to run half and full marathons. We planned birthdays and holidays around traveling to a destination, celebrating and running the race. When I started to train for Ironman, my ability to make those planned events disappeared and I truly missed traveling with my buddies. We rekindled that fun this weekend at the Space Coast Half Marathon.

Just an hour away from Orlando, my friends Beth, Sandi and Terri traveled over to the coast to enjoy the pre event pasta party and hearing Jeff Galloway speak!! The man is truly an inspiration and it was such an honor to shake his hand and get a picture with him. If you think about it, I probably would never have attempted a half marathon without hearing about the Galloway method. His theory of walking and running an endurance event made it seem very possible for me.

My friends and I grabbed a room at the Country Inn and Suites for the night so that we didn't have to get up at 300am to make the 600am start time of the race. We all spread out in the suite, setting our clothes and shoes and laughing about the race to come. It was like a slumber party of days past.

The 400am alarm went off way too early and I started my race routine as always. Coffee and oatmeal to start my day while the girls stumbled around at this pre dawn hour. We got on the road at 5am and found a parking spot near the finish line (much to my surprise.)

After one trip in the portapotty line, we headed to the start and met some other friends from Team in Training. Before I could even be nervous, the gun went off and we were on our way. Over 2500 people were signed up for the event unlike years past when we only had about 600.

Running in the soon as I got in my hit me. This is what I was suppose to be doing a few weeks ago...running in the dark. My parents were shocked at the Ironman that people ran in the dark and into the night. If they had seen me this early morning they might have been amazed. It was a perfect morning for a race: temps in the 50's, no wind and an absolutely beautiful sunrise as we ran along the river.

Hector and I had discussed this race a few days earlier. "Melissa...this is NOT your "A" race. I do NOT want you pushing yourself too hard. Run in a zone where you are comfortable. If you start to feel some serious pain...WALK."

Pain? Pain is just a state of mind right? At least that's what the back of my running shirt said this morning. Its the only shirt I own that has an Ironman logo on it and does designate 70.3. It is that mindset that I believe gets you through. Endurance racing is MENTAL. You gotta wrap your head and your body around the miles.

Mile 1 to 7 were beautiful. I reached the turn around in 1:29. Ok..I know..for you hardcore running folks, this is slow. For me, its a miracle. My P.R. in the half marathon is 3:09. I was ahead of my best and feeling great. Mile 7 to 10 were a bit more of a challenge but I was still feeling fantastic. I was eating on my normal schedule, drinking at every water stop and REALLY having fun!! Isn't that what this is about.

At mile 10.5, it suddenly hit my hamstrings that I had not really trained in 3 weeks. A few short runs here and a few swims there didn't really prepare me to run a PR. I toyed with the idea of pushing hard...and then I remembered what Hector said....this is not your A race. This is a fun race. As hard as it was not to push forward, I dropped to a walk.

The Space Coast race route is a beautiful one. Winding along the Indian River, I started to really appreciate the sites of this course. You could see the Vehicle Assembly Building at the Space Center and the homes along the course were already decorated with lights for Christmas. The water stops were all space themed and the volunteers were delightful. Sometimes we get so caught up in P.R.'s, cut off times and race strategy that we forget the fun that is in endurance racing.

I wear an Ipod when I do marathons and I have a playlist of songs that inspire. Everything from hard pounding rock to songs with words that motivate. At mile 12, the song "Bring It On Home" by Little Big Town rung in my ears. My husband talked about this song as the perfect song to describe him waiting at the finish line. It brought tears to my eyes. My world has been focused on the finish line for a year. This wasn't the line I was hoping for but, for now, it was a finish that I needed to boost me up a bit. My iphone buzzed at that moment. It was my husband, cheering me on as he made his way back to Orlando. What interesting timing.

I rounded the corner into the park and there are my Team in Training crew...waiting as always for me to make it in. They were screaming and their cheers brought a smile to my face. How blessed I am to be a part of a great group of people who run for more than the joy of exercise and accomplishment. We run to raise awareness, money and hope for those battling cancer. Today was a fun day but we dedicated the race to a Team in Training teammate who has relapsed and is once again battling for his life. Doug Oxedine has done several seasons with Team in Training and is a fighter...he was on my mind as I ran across that finish line and looked at my watch.

3:23. Ok...for the world...this looks like I stopped for lunch along the way. For me, its the second fastest half marathon I have ever done. I was so caught up in the course and the people, I stopped looking at my watch after mile 10.5. I am so blessed to be able to do these kind of races now...just for fun. Who would have ever thought that would be possible just 10 years ago.

So for those battling cancer, specifically Doug, this race was for you. My prayer is that we won't have to raise money and run in honor or memory of cancer patients. I pray that soon, we will have the cure.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Amateur Night is upon us...


Ok...ok...the joke is old...but it is the honest truth. To those of us with compulsive overeating issues, Thanksgiving is Amateur night!! In years past, I have watched perfectly normal weighted, normal minded family members stuff themselves like the Thanksgiving bird on this holiday. My eyes widen with wonderment as they groan that they will "never eat like that again."

Really?? Never??


And Im Santa Claus...just wait for Mom's Prime Rib on Christmas Day.

All kidding aside, Thanksgiving is a challenge for those of us battling overeating and weight. Its tough. As we approach Turkey Day, it becomes more difficult to walk into a grocery store without getting blasted with the smell of cakes, pies and bread being made in the bakery or the multiple samples of food throughout the store. Believe it or not, those tastes along the route around the store add up...and not in a good way.

As I have said in a previous post, I am working on Thanksgiving but it comes with its own set of pitfalls. Last night, I was asked to bring a side dish and dessert for the day. The side dish was easy...Im making a spinach casserole that is fairly healthy but the dessert?? These folks are not the "fruit for dessert" type.

So I decided to make cookies. I always have my secret weapon at hand when making baked goods: chewing gum. If you are chomping away on gum, it makes it a little more difficult to taste or eat the cookies. When they are done, I am putting them over at a friend's house until I leave for work. That way: no temptations.

I am also running the Turkey Trot before I go to work. A nice 5k will help burn off some calories. Today was suppose to be my first outdoor running workout since Ironman, but it is pouring rain. Looks like the treadmill for now.

There is so much to be thankful for during this very special season. I love Thanksgiving because it makes you stop and think of all your blessings. I am thankful for a crazy but solid family, an amazing husband of 24 years, caring and real friends, a beautiful home and most of all...I am thankful for my life..and that I got a second chance to live it fully.

But my biggest blessing this year is one you might not see as a blessing at all. I am thankful for the opportunity to take another shot at Ironman and the challenge of losing the rest of this weight. Most would say I was cursed on Nov 7th. I say it was God's way of getting me on the right track to make a better me. What a wonderful journey this will be.

I hope you are counting your blessings and enjoying time with your family. Remember...its about the people..not the food ( can be a little bit about the food!!) Enjoy!!! Happy Thanksgiving...

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The first weigh in...

One of my new friends at Weight Watchers said to me, "You're gonna BLOG your weight loss or gain??" I told her, "Yes...see then Ill be accountable to more than just my family.." She then told me she didn't know how she would feel about being accountable to "the world".

It's ok...I like that blogging world. This is me. This is my cheap therapy. And, from what I can tell, the people that read my blog are some of the nicest people in the world.

So I decided I needed the support of a group and the accountability that Weight Watchers provides. My doctor was ok with it as long as I keep a log of my food and I followed some of her requirements for my thyroid there I my first meeting. I had weighed in on my doctor's scale two weeks ago and knew the number I needed to beat. Heck, I went so far as to wear the same dress I wore to the doctor's office just to compare the two weighs. Hey...its like don't try anything new before the "big race"...go with what you know! :)

I get on the scale and closed my eyes. Just tell me when its over. She hands me a small book with a sticker in it with my weight on it and welcomes me back (Ive been here before in years past). I sat down and waited for the meeting to start. I wanted to look at the sticker to see what the outcome was....but you's that feeling in your gut when the teacher is passing out the graded final exams. Did I pass??

I did I pass :) To my absolute shock, I lost 6.5 pounds in two weeks. I closed the book then opened it again 4 more times. Is this possible?? Really??

The meeting began and the people were excited, positive and wonderful. The instructor was not the person I was hoping for but she was an absolute delight. Most of the discussion was about getting around Thanksgiving Day and not getting stuffed like the turkey. This year, I have to work at The Living Seas on Thanksgiving Day so the only obstacle I need to avoid during the day is the SPREAD during lunch. If I can make that hurdle, I should be fine.

Yesterday also marked my return to workouts with Hector. Strength training and a 3 mile walk/run woke the resting muscles back up and Im a little sore but it gave me a positive outlook.....

I know every week is not going to show a six pound loss, but its a great start....6.5 pounds down...39.5 pounds to go to my goal...

Sunday, November 22, 2009

First weigh in tomorrow

I think I would rather do a 100 mile bike/10 mile run brick than a weigh in. Seriously. That 4 seconds on the scale is a terrifying place for me. Absolutely terrifying.

It brings back some painful memories. The first time a doctor told my family I was obese...I was 6. My first serious diet of liquids only was at age 12. And of course..the big one...when they couldn't read my weigh at the doctor's office at age 23. I was over 320lbs and their scale simply didn't go that high. A lot of my memories revolve around that number on the scale.

I have had so many people "congratulate" me on my attempt at Ironman. "See how far you went", they would say. " I wouldn't even consider doing that" they would tell me. I appreciate these words so much and their kind positive comments are heartfelt and real. It has helped me get through the last few days...but the bottom line is simple..

I didn't finish...

I didn't finish two things. I didn't get to the finish line and I haven't gotten to my goal weight. My Gastric Bypass Doctor, Dr. Normal Samuels told me to be happy that I was still alive and well. I should be happy that I got to see another birthday...another year of life...and I am...losing roughly 200 pounds is an amazing thing...

But I didn't finish...

The one thing I don't want to make a pattern in my life is to NOT finish what I started. I started this weight loss journey on Dec. 1, 1998. I wrote a will, I gave permission to my husband to cut life support if necessary and I gave letters to each of my family members to read if I didn't make it. I MADE IT. The guy ahead me...DIDN'T. The woman that had the procedure the next day DIDN'T. I owe it to them. I owe it to finish damn it....I need to finish it ALL!!!

My husband says that I let the number on the scale DEFINE me..that I let it determine if I am going to have a good day or a bad day. There is truth to that statement but the bottom line remains...I have left this business undone...I have left two tasks unfinished. It is time to stop living in the past and focus on the positives of the future.

There is so much ahead of me. There is so much that I can give to others in this struggle if I can just get over this last hurdle. Come got it in ya. This is the thin girl inside screaming to get out.... You are almost there....just like the last two miles of the marathon. You have come so far. The last two miles are painful...but doable.

Lets see what the number says tomorrow....

Saturday, November 21, 2009

The Race List...after Hector did A LOT of trimming

:) Ok folks...lots of people read my dream race list and sent me emails and comments saying everything from "are you nuts" to..."wow..that's a helluva season"!! I know I know...I went a little overboard but there are so many great races out there with so many cool destinations and SO MUCH can you NOT put together a huge list...and then cut it down to what's the list...AFTER Hector looked at it and thought I had completely lost my mind...and then cut it down to size!!

2009 Races
Nov 26, 2009 Turkey Trot
Nov 29, 2009 Space Coast Half Marathon

2010 Races
Jan 31, 2010 ING Half Marathon

Feb 28, 2010 Gasparilla Half Marathon

Mar 14, 2010 MIT Miami Triathlon-Olympic-B race

May 8th, 2010 Gulf Coast Triathlon-my A Race

June 7th, 2010 World's Most Beautiful Century Ride-Lake Tahoe

July 17th, 2010 Moss Park Triathlon-Sprint or Olympic

Sept 12, 2010 The Nation's Triathlon-Washington DC-B race

Oct. 4, 2010 Atlantic Coast Triathlon (my other A race) OR Ironman Miami 70.3 still up in the air

Nov. 2010... ..............

You'll notice that there is a big blank at the end of the year...there is a reason for that. I will be at Ironman Arizona and Ironman Florida. What happens at those races is still very up in the air. I guarantee I will be in line at one of them to register for 2011. Just not sure which one!!

So there is my year according to Hector!! what do you think???

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Dream Race List

Each year, I put together the "dream race list" which Hector, my trainer, proceeds to tear apart
and give me what he thinks I should and can do. So far, this is THE dream list!!

November 2009
26 Nov 2009 Turkey Trot 5k
29 Nov 2009 Space Coast Half Marathon

December 2009
12 Dec 2009 Reindeer Run 5k

January 2010
09 Jan 2010 Disney Half Marathon
10 Jan 2010 Disney Marathon
Yes...for some reason...I signed up for the Goofy Challenge...AGAIN
31 Jan 2010 ING Miami Half Marathon

February 2010
19 Feb 2010 Sara McLarty's Swim Camp-NTC-Clermont
28 Feb 2010 Gasparilla Half Marathon-Tampa

March 2010
05 March 2010 Princess Half Marathon-Disney
14 March 2010 MIT International Distance Triathlon
27 March 2010 Great Clermont Triathlon-Olympic or Sprint

April 2010
10 April 2010 Escape from Fort Desoto Tri-Tampa Bay Area Sprint Distance
11 April 2010 SuperFrog-US Navy Seal-Olympic Tri-Coronado CA
17 April 2010 Swim Miami-Open Water 5k or 10k swim-Miami FL
18 April 2010 Breakaway to Sugarloaf Bike-Clermont

May 2010
23 May 2010 Baldwin Park Triathlon

June 2010
June 7 2010 The World's Most Beautiful Ride-Lake Tahoe-Century Bike
June 26, 2010 Rock n Roll Marathon-Seattle WA

July 2010
17 July 2010 Moss Park Triathlon

August 2010
29 August 2010 Alcatraz Triathlon-San Francisco CA

Sept 2010
05 Sept 2010 Rock n Roll Virginia Beach Half Marathon
12 Sept 2010 The Nation's Triathlon Wash. DC

October 2010
01 Oct 2010 Disney Wine and Dine Half Marathon
17 Oct 2010 Ameliaman Olympic Distance Triathlon or Half Ironman Triathlon
30 Oct 2010 Ironman 70.3 Miami-Run as a Relay or run individually...still not sure..

November 2010
Volunteer at Ironman Florida
Volunteer at Ironman Arizona

This year will be focused on weight loss and the Half Ironman Distance until May and the Gulf Coast Triathlon. After that race, depending on how I do and how much weight I have lost at that point, I will make a determination about the way the rest of the year will go :) Please feel free to give me other ideas about races not listed or comment on the races listed here :)

A Card and a letter from people I don't know...

Blogging is pretty amazing!! I have had the honor and privilege of exchanging emails with people I have never met. Some ask me about triathlon, others ask me about what it was like to have a gastric bypass before it was approved and how I feel now while others ask me about my eating issues. I love these emails. So many people out in the cyber world who connect with some of the things I guys are amazing folks!!

But what I DIDN'T expect was snail mail...from people I have never met. I have lived in the same place for almost 17 years so its not shocking that someone found my address. I opened my mail today to find a beautiful card from a woman in read:


No matter what they matter what they do....BE YOU! You have inspired me so much in 2 years. I have gone from 300lbs to 125 thanks to a gastric bypass. Last weekend, I ran my first 5k..and I was exhausted. I thought to myself "How in the world can you do what you do...." Even the Half Ironman distance astonishes me. Please don't quit. You have a world of people cheering you on for your success...

Much love from Idaho....Amanda

And in the same mail...a letter...beautifully written on gorgeous paper from a woman in Texas...


You do not know me, my family or my life but you have made a huge impact in the way I think about goals. I read
your blog and I just had to send you something more than email. To me, the written word is so personal and I wanted
to share my thoughts somewhat "in person" with you.

3 years ago, I had a heart attack at 35. Doctors didn't give me any hope. They told me at 35 and 295lbs, things looked bad.
I decided to take a chance and get a gastric band. I followed my doctor's orders to the letter. I watched what I ate and
I started to exercise. I stumbled upon your blog when I searched for information about eating disorders and gastric banding
or bypass and there you were: going through a lot of the things I was experiencing.

I spent the last few weeks watching your blog and praying for your success. I cried when I read you did not achieve this goal that was so important to you but then I was inspired by your determination. You need to write a book.

I hope this letter finds you well and you will continue forward toward your dreams, whatever they may be. Keep writing, keep the positive thoughts and encouragement in your life and I know, without a doubt, that you will achieve all you hope for in your life.

I am now 38, 170lbs and in fairly good shape for the shape I am in. Thank you for helping me through the rough spots of my weight loss and my eating problems. You are an amazing lady.


And this is a rare moment folks...I am without words....I am speechless. For those that know me personally, they can tell you I always have a I do not. All I have are tears. Thank you Susan. Thank you Amanda. To anyone else that reads this...thank you. I am overwhelmed.

Monday, November 16, 2009

The Journey...The Climb...The Addiction...The Line...

"You're an addict! " I heard one girl say to me in my meeting tonight. "You're addicted to food and exercise..." she said to me as if she were the 12 year old bully on the playground that I didn't give the time of day to as a child.

Ahhh the judgemental portion of our human race is so quick to become judge, jury and executioner. I just smiled and said "And you are entitled to your opinion...but I don't have to react to it, believe it or let it effect who I am." The leader of the group saw this person getting a little out of control. Later I was to learn she had a shot at being a collegiate runner...and her addiction destroyed her chances. Eating disorders are tough...they can rob you of your dreams.

You're an addict Melissa. Yup! No kidding. Took me a long time to admit I had a problem with food. The lines like "Oh I just like to eat" or "Its just stress...Ill lose the weight gain when my life calms down" came way to easy to explain my issues...but yeah..she's right. I gotta problem.

Ive had a problem since I was 12. I am now considered a recovering compulsive overeater. I walk the line and sometimes I stumble. As long as you get back up and get back to the good eating habits, its ok. You won't be perfect....but you can be consistent.

So today I started on a very long road of consistent behavior. This is the first honest sincere attempt I have made to get the last 30 to 40 lbs off my frame in several years. I have half heartedly started program to provide some "damage control" to my "stumbling problem" but never before has so much rested on my consistency in eating and weight loss. My husband was right. Just tell Melissa its impossible and watch her do all she can to prove you wrong. Just dangle that goal in front of her and she is like a horse to the carrot. God I want that carrot known as Ironman...I really really do.

I looked at the pictures from Ironman and I cringed. It still hurts a bit to know that that damn line escaped me again. I do feel a difference in me now as compared to last year. Last year the experience almost lead me to giving up the sport all together. This year, my DNF made me more determined.

For some, this goal is easy. Train, race, cross the line. For me, its been a journey like no other....and damn it...Im gonna finish it somehow.

Watching my footing as I climb...and stumble to that weight loss always..Ill keep you posted.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

What we will do for a dream...

It feels insanely weird to be home...and to wake up at a normal hour and not be headed off to go swim, bike or run. My trainer told me to take about 10 days off and let my mind, emotions and body have a rest. My hubby and I were suppose to go to Paris a few days ago (gosh its fun to be married to an airline just go to the airport and see what flight you can get on) but the weather there has been horrible. We decided, instead for a few days in South Florida and a short cruise.

We went shopping yesterday for a few clothes and as I walked in to our favorite mall, I realized that it had been ages since I spent a day to go shopping. Wow, how wonderful it was to have lunch, look around, try on clothes and buy a new outfit. "Welcome back to the real world honey" my husband told me.

The real world is really nice...but I ache a little inside for that soreness in the legs from a long workout or the feeling of that afternoon nap after a long workout on a Saturday morning. As the off season comes on and the holidays arrive, in the back of my mind sits the vision of that finish line. More unfinished business.

I went to my doctor early yesterday and I told him I had had enough. I have GOT to get a grip on my weight and somehow make it through the holidays without putting on 20lbs. He referred me IMMEDIATELY to physician who specializes in obesity weight loss and nutrition. She actually took me that morning (guess its a slow time before "new year's resolutions) and I told her that I have done everything I could to lose weight and about my thyroid issues. I also told her that I was losing hope that I would ever be smaller than this. I don't want to give up on my dream....but losing more weight seems almost as difficult than making the cut offs at Ironman.

She was EXTREMELY kind. She spent 45 minutes with me discussing options. I told her I was suppose to be on vacation now but I am ready to get to work next Monday. I want that sense of hope to return to me. I want that feeling that all is possible. She told me that she would do all she could to help me, monitor me and keep me on track. She did a full panel of bloodwork, gave me an eating program to follow, changed my thyroid medication (again) and made another appointment 7 days after I start and she will see me weekly. She also recommended that I return to OA (Overeater's Annoymous) meetings on a weekly basis and go back to seeing my therapist.

She equated it to racing. She told me that if I spent hundreds if not thousands of dollars on a bike, shoes, clothes and other gear to get to the Ironman finish line, why wouldn't I do the same to make me well, healthy and happy. She told me I had come this far, that it was time to complete the job.

One more diet. I get so motivated for one more diet and I usually fall on my face and fail. How do I NOT do that this time? My husband thinks that dangling that Ironman medal before me just might be the thing that finally gets me to my goal weight.

Can I really do this??

Sunday, November 8, 2009

The third time is the charm...

We learn wisdom from failure more than from success; we often discover what will do by finding out what will not do.
- Samuel Smiles

I think one of the hardest things for a person to do is to admit when they have reached a roadblock that they can not cross unless some things are changed. Today, I met that roadblock head on when I did not complete my Ironman.

Some will view me as a failure. Some will tell me I am simply too old to be doing this (Im 46). My parents told me tonight that this was "utterly ridiculous" and a "man's sport" and I had no business doing it. Others saw my attempt as brave and powerful and a move to celebrate being a lighter, healthier person than I was 11 years ago.

I won't lie. It hurt more to have my parents tell me those things than it did for them to remove my chip when I did not make the biking time cut off. When you ride 112 miles, you have plenty of time to think. As I turned into a blustery windy course here in Panama City, i knew the bike course would be a challenge. I did my best. It was not enough.

When failure comes, you must sit back and analyse why. In my belief, you also have to sit back and figure out what you have learned from this and what is my higher power's plan for me?

I learned so much this year. I pushed my body to places I never dreamed possible. I believe I became a more mentally strong individual. So many positives came from this even though I am not an Ironman.

The one thing I know for an absolute fact is that I MUST lose some more weight if I am to attempt Ironman again. People are kinda shocked when i talk about being lighter and my obesity but its kinda like my favorite author, Randy Pausch talking about his cancer before he past away. He would always say "Let me introduce you to the "elephant" in the room" You know everyone is whispering about my cancer, so lets talk about it so you understand where the cancer patient is coming from.

So the compulsive overeating gastric bypass patient KNOWS that most people look at me and go "there is no way that will happen"...and today they were right. Today was not my day. I know now what my limits are and I know what needs to be accomplished to achieve them. I have some work to do and I head into that work unafraid.

Let them talk if they want. Let them laugh if they will. Lots of people laugh at those who put it out there and fail but i refuse to be swayed. The one thing my parents DID raise is a fighter. I plan to get some more work done and come back one more time to attempt this race....but not until 2011. This will give me time to complete those intermediate goals.

The third time is the charm....

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Race Day..

Good morning....its 407am and its time to get it done!! Windy but pretty....I will keep you posted!!! My prayer is in 19 hours I will be logging on and saying that I am an Ironman!!! As always...Ill keep you posted!!! Pray for me its time to just perform!!!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Like my Daddy says...

Its time to put up....or shut up...

Lots of talk. Lots of blood, sweat and tears in the last 24 months. Two DNF's and two P.R.'s. Lots and lots of ups and downs...but now it comes down to the simple truth....its time to DO...

That "bank account" Ive been filling with hours and hours of swims, bikes and runs is waiting for one withdrawal on Nov. 7th. I honestly believe with all my heart that I have done everything that this body could do to get prepared for this race. I take comfort in that knowledge. I no longer sit up at night worrying about the race. Its very simple. I either believe in myself and leave ALL OF IT on the course...or I don't.

The pendulum is swinging back to the positive for me. More and more I see myself crossing that finish line with time to spare. I have had a few dreams now of that moment...and the negative thoughts have started to depart my head.

I sat outside on my pool deck the other night and had a long talk with the guy upstairs. I got this calmness over me that felt like I should know that it would all be ok. I guess I have truly put this race into his hands now. Im just going to go out there and put my heart and soul and body into it.

Bags are packed. I just have to load the car in the morning, finish morning boot camp classes and then myself and my training partner, Rick, will be on the road at 930am. Let the adventure begin!! As always, Ill keep you posted!!