We learn wisdom from failure more than from success; we often discover what will do by finding out what will not do.
- Samuel Smiles
I think one of the hardest things for a person to do is to admit when they have reached a roadblock that they can not cross unless some things are changed. Today, I met that roadblock head on when I did not complete my Ironman.
Some will view me as a failure. Some will tell me I am simply too old to be doing this (Im 46). My parents told me tonight that this was "utterly ridiculous" and a "man's sport" and I had no business doing it. Others saw my attempt as brave and powerful and a move to celebrate being a lighter, healthier person than I was 11 years ago.
I won't lie. It hurt more to have my parents tell me those things than it did for them to remove my chip when I did not make the biking time cut off. When you ride 112 miles, you have plenty of time to think. As I turned into a blustery windy course here in Panama City, i knew the bike course would be a challenge. I did my best. It was not enough.
When failure comes, you must sit back and analyse why. In my belief, you also have to sit back and figure out what you have learned from this and what is my higher power's plan for me?
I learned so much this year. I pushed my body to places I never dreamed possible. I believe I became a more mentally strong individual. So many positives came from this even though I am not an Ironman.
The one thing I know for an absolute fact is that I MUST lose some more weight if I am to attempt Ironman again. People are kinda shocked when i talk about being lighter and my obesity but its kinda like my favorite author, Randy Pausch talking about his cancer before he past away. He would always say "Let me introduce you to the "elephant" in the room" You know everyone is whispering about my cancer, so lets talk about it so you understand where the cancer patient is coming from.
So the compulsive overeating gastric bypass patient KNOWS that most people look at me and go "there is no way that will happen"...and today they were right. Today was not my day. I know now what my limits are and I know what needs to be accomplished to achieve them. I have some work to do and I head into that work unafraid.
Let them talk if they want. Let them laugh if they will. Lots of people laugh at those who put it out there and fail but i refuse to be swayed. The one thing my parents DID raise is a fighter. I plan to get some more work done and come back one more time to attempt this race....but not until 2011. This will give me time to complete those intermediate goals.
The third time is the charm....