It feels insanely weird to be home...and to wake up at a normal hour and not be headed off to go swim, bike or run. My trainer told me to take about 10 days off and let my mind, emotions and body have a rest. My hubby and I were suppose to go to Paris a few days ago (gosh its fun to be married to an airline pilot...you just go to the airport and see what flight you can get on) but the weather there has been horrible. We decided, instead for a few days in South Florida and a short cruise.
We went shopping yesterday for a few clothes and as I walked in to our favorite mall, I realized that it had been ages since I spent a day to go shopping. Wow, how wonderful it was to have lunch, look around, try on clothes and buy a new outfit. "Welcome back to the real world honey" my husband told me.
The real world is really nice...but I ache a little inside for that soreness in the legs from a long workout or the feeling of that afternoon nap after a long workout on a Saturday morning. As the off season comes on and the holidays arrive, in the back of my mind sits the vision of that finish line. More unfinished business.
I went to my doctor early yesterday and I told him I had had enough. I have GOT to get a grip on my weight and somehow make it through the holidays without putting on 20lbs. He referred me IMMEDIATELY to physician who specializes in obesity weight loss and nutrition. She actually took me that morning (guess its a slow time before "new year's resolutions) and I told her that I have done everything I could to lose weight and about my thyroid issues. I also told her that I was losing hope that I would ever be smaller than this. I don't want to give up on my dream....but losing more weight seems almost as difficult than making the cut offs at Ironman.
She was EXTREMELY kind. She spent 45 minutes with me discussing options. I told her I was suppose to be on vacation now but I am ready to get to work next Monday. I want that sense of hope to return to me. I want that feeling that all is possible. She told me that she would do all she could to help me, monitor me and keep me on track. She did a full panel of bloodwork, gave me an eating program to follow, changed my thyroid medication (again) and made another appointment 7 days after I start and she will see me weekly. She also recommended that I return to OA (Overeater's Annoymous) meetings on a weekly basis and go back to seeing my therapist.
She equated it to racing. She told me that if I spent hundreds if not thousands of dollars on a bike, shoes, clothes and other gear to get to the Ironman finish line, why wouldn't I do the same to make me well, healthy and happy. She told me I had come this far, that it was time to complete the job.
One more diet. I get so motivated for one more diet and I usually fall on my face and fail. How do I NOT do that this time? My husband thinks that dangling that Ironman medal before me just might be the thing that finally gets me to my goal weight.
Can I really do this??