Monday, November 16, 2009

The Journey...The Climb...The Addiction...The Line...

"You're an addict! " I heard one girl say to me in my meeting tonight. "You're addicted to food and exercise..." she said to me as if she were the 12 year old bully on the playground that I didn't give the time of day to as a child.

Ahhh the judgemental portion of our human race is so quick to become judge, jury and executioner. I just smiled and said "And you are entitled to your opinion...but I don't have to react to it, believe it or let it effect who I am." The leader of the group saw this person getting a little out of control. Later I was to learn she had a shot at being a collegiate runner...and her addiction destroyed her chances. Eating disorders are tough...they can rob you of your dreams.

You're an addict Melissa. Yup! No kidding. Took me a long time to admit I had a problem with food. The lines like "Oh I just like to eat" or "Its just stress...Ill lose the weight gain when my life calms down" came way to easy to explain my issues...but yeah..she's right. I gotta problem.

Ive had a problem since I was 12. I am now considered a recovering compulsive overeater. I walk the line and sometimes I stumble. As long as you get back up and get back to the good eating habits, its ok. You won't be perfect....but you can be consistent.

So today I started on a very long road of consistent behavior. This is the first honest sincere attempt I have made to get the last 30 to 40 lbs off my frame in several years. I have half heartedly started program to provide some "damage control" to my "stumbling problem" but never before has so much rested on my consistency in eating and weight loss. My husband was right. Just tell Melissa its impossible and watch her do all she can to prove you wrong. Just dangle that goal in front of her and she is like a horse to the carrot. God I want that carrot known as Ironman...I really really do.

I looked at the pictures from Ironman and I cringed. It still hurts a bit to know that that damn line escaped me again. I do feel a difference in me now as compared to last year. Last year the experience almost lead me to giving up the sport all together. This year, my DNF made me more determined.

For some, this goal is easy. Train, race, cross the line. For me, its been a journey like no other....and damn it...Im gonna finish it somehow.

Watching my footing as I climb...and stumble to that weight loss always..Ill keep you posted.


Tri Mommy said...

I know you can do it! And I couldn't help but think of that other woman (before I got to the bit about her shot at collegiate running) that she was bitter and wanted to hurt someone by saying that. I think you're attitude is the right one. You know your challenges, but that is what they are... challenges and you can overcome them! I just know it.


We are there for you if you need us. You can do it, I am sure. Focus and dont lose the drive.

I will tell you, when I was making the return loop to transition prior to my second loop and I did not see you coming out and then did not pass you in the first few miles going back out my heart sank for I knew at that point......and I just hoped you would keep up the spirit and fight for next time. I[m glad you have.

blonderunner said...

You are right Melissa "You won't be perfect, but you can be consistent....get up each time you will get there." Keep up the good work! Great read.
P.S. I ran competitively in college and have seen many people damaged by eating can admit it...that is awesome progress in my book (many of the people I know would not admit it).