Thursday, August 7, 2008

Headed to Panama City

Well...I had planned this weekend many weeks ago...but as all good plans go...they are always subject to change.  My "plan" was to go to Panama City and do the full bike course.  After a conversation with Hector last night, he does not feel that I am ready to do 112 so we will be doing 85 miles.  This is my second attempt at completing the Ironman Bike course.  Last year, I traveled to Panama City to do the course but after 60 miles, I was sick.  My nutrition plan was all wrong and I had driven 11 hours to get to Florida (I was in N.C. for three months at the time) and I simply wasn't ready for the course.

This course is starting to haunt me and I feel more and more that this whole ironman journey might be a mistake.  There have been so many trainers in the past that have told me that it wasn't possible for someone my size to complete this race.  Since those times, I have lost another 45 lbs (with a total of a little over 200lbs lost now) and I am doing more miles and more hours of workout than I ever have before.  I get the phone call last night from my coach that he is concerned I will hurt myself.  Why didn't he make this decision several weeks ago instead of 48 hours before I leave?

I am tired.  I am frustrated. I am sad.  Maybe this whole thing is just a ridiculous dream.  Im going to go anyway just so I can fail one more time. 


JenZen said...

Hey girl, I saw your blog and decided to drop by. What an amazing journey! I truly admire all you triathletes. Whew. It's a struggle for me just to run, let alone swim and bike. You are amazing and inspirational!

Sorry you're down. I always say it's better to try and fail than to not try at all. Half of racing is just conquering the fear to try. You've already beaten all THOSE people who won't even try. You're already an athlete and a winner just for racing.

Elizabeth the Marathon Girl said...


I did not know you had talked to Hector and he said that he was worried you will get hurt. I know how hard this is on you. But we have three months. We will get the training done and we will be successful!

I love you and I hate to see you sad!

Beth your Ironman partner in crime.

Sarah said...

You can do this. It is a mental game. If you can work to get your nutrition spot on, I really think it can happen. Of course, your coach knows you better, but I have to say, when a woman puts her mind to something...Think positive thoughts! I'll be thinking about you!

DLDancer said...

You CAN do it! You've always told me that it's just as much of a mental game as anything else. You are more focused on your training that I've ever seen you before. Take a deep breath, a hot bath, and know that you have people who believe in you. I'm right up there at the top of the list with your awesome husband!

Repeat after me, "I CAN DO THIS!"

I love you and I believe in you!

Debbie your Assistant Crew Chief :)

Coach Bill said...

hang in there girl - go out and kill this 85 miler - and come back with the mental game strong - think of a mantra and repeat it when the going gets tough - also repeat it when things are good.

hang in there - you have time before IM - you are on track - hector has your best interest in mind - some times coaches make the tough decisions for thier athletes

Kathy said...

You won't know unless you try!!

Positiveness and perseverance got you your weight loss - it will also get you to Ironman!!!

So, go out there and give it everything you have.....

Trigirlorlando said...

I want to thank everyone for their kind comments. One thing I learned a long time ago is that you can't continue to have a "pity party" about things. You have to put a time limit on it and move on. I guess I have had so many trainers (3 to be exact) in the past that told me it was impossible for me to do a race over an Olympic distance. I just don't need to hear this kind of commentary again. Oh..did I mention those trainers each got an email copy of my Half Ironman finish pictures :)??