One of the hardest entries Ive ever had to write...

You would think that my DNF at Ironman 2008 would be the hardest entry I ever had to make to my blog...but believe it or not, it comes in second to this....

Now I know what you are thinking...ahhhhhh...chubby girl is gonna quit. She has just decided to not run the Ironman and sit back and watch the world acheive their goals...

HELL NO!! Let me be clear. Im running Ironman Florida 2009. Please allow me to be so bold as to quote one of my personal heroes, Jon Blais...the Blazeman who fought ALS and ran the Ironman World Championships. I don't care if they have to ROLL me across the finish line...I am going to do this.

So what makes this entry so hard? I guess having to admit that you are vulnerable. Its not easy telling the world those things you would like to keep hidden away. Its easier to put on this shiny coat of armor and let everyone think that, eventhough you screwed up your first attempt at a dream that you bounced right back and got right back to it...

I didn't...

In the course of the last couple months, I have reverted back to some very old and very scary habits. I am a compulsive overeater and a night eater. I don't believe that Compulsive Overeating needs much of a definition...it means you eat way past the point of being full. It means you eat for other reasons besides hunger or nourishment. Now night eating..well...that might need a bit of explaination.

Night eating is when an individual will get up in the middle of the night and consume food without knowledge of the eating until the wake the next morning to find evidence of the food on their counter from the night before. With alot of therapy and work, I had gotten my night eating under control and literally had not done it in almost a year. Three days after Ironman, it reappear and it has been a part of my life every 3 to 4 nights since then. The food can be anything but it is usually a sandwich or something easy to grab like crackers or pretzels.

I went back to therapy to deal with the issues that were attributed to this. Lets face it. No matter how I painted a beautiful picture of this STRONG determined Triathlete who was going to kick ass and take names in 2009, I was depressed after Ironman and those that know me well know that I fought this alot.

My therapist and I decided that it was time for a bold move. Regular therapy was working but why not combine that with nutrition and exercise work. So...not to sound like some celebrity with a Martini problem, I have checked myself into "food rehab".

The place is known as Structure House in Durham NC. This residential weight loss and food addiction facility is 25 years old and I have been here before. Its not a spa...and its not a lock down facility where I will wear a white jacket and be placed in a rubber room but it is somewhere in between. I will be here for 30 days to get my eating, my training and myself back ontrack.

Some may view this as they do the gastric bypass: another easy way out. I view it as facing your problems, dealing with them, not denying them and then trying to fix them. This future Ironman might have a chink in her armor...but consider me in the shop for a bit of repair. Ill keep you posted on my progress...

Oh..and did I mention that North Carolina is cold as hell this time of year :)