The Ironman Journey has brought me down a lot of roads. I have met amazing people. I have accomplished things that I simply thought were impossible. I continue to work hard towards Ironman Florida but the one thing I have learned lately is that Ironman Training can show you sides of yourself the you might not particularly like.
I have always been very content running against my watch. The clock and I are enemies and friends. This love/hate relationship I have with the good 'ole stopwatch is a writer's dream!! Triumph and tears abound...but in the end...the clock never lies. It tells you the real story.
I wish I could tell you the number of people who have pasted me on the running course during my races. In my over 40 triathlons, I have tried to focus on my own race and wish them well as they blew by me. Almost all have been encouraging and a handful have been downright rude. No, I don't look like the typical triathlete...but I'm out here everyday...and NOT on the couch.
Recently, I have been struggling with this feeling of competition and constant comparison to a few friends of mine who run triathlon. They are younger...stronger...faster. I know this is silly but its like I LIKE beating my head against the wall. A little friendly competition is a wonderful thing. When it starts to affect you in a negative way with negative feelings about yourself, that's when you have to pull back and analyse yourself.
I want to make it clear here. This is all me. These people have been NOTHING BUT ENCOURAGING to me. I'm creating all this negativity in my mind and in my heart. It's hard to admit that you have a fault like that but better to admit it, address it, change it and move on. If you have ever run ANY endurance event, you know: Negative thinking can eat you alive, ruin your race and possibly end your race day. I want to nip this in the bud before it gets out of hand.
My friends know that I am a nut. Certifiably crazy in every sense of the word...but I am also a realist who admits her faults and tries to address them and become better. That really is what Ironman is about isn't it?? Never giving up and being the best you can be.
No matter what happens on November 7th, this journey has changed me and made me better. My goal and dream is to be an Ironman but my bigger goal and dream is to be a better person: inside and out.
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2 comments:
I do the same thing to myself sometimes. I think it's part of our competitive nature. Heck, I got worked up about someone passing me while I was doing my 4 mile run this morning. For all I know they were just starting their run for the day while I was a little more than half way done, etc. But it irked me. Anyway, I guess I'm trying to say you're not alone. We just have to remember that we're out there giving our all and that doing our best is all we can ask of ourselves.
Chin up, head back, hut to soldier. I know what's got you down....
It's 110F heat index out there everyday, every morning, every evening, EVERY EVERY. It's enough to sap anyone.
Just remember that Nov 7 its cool and you'll have all this great heat training to kick some butt on that special day.
Go girl!!
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