Ive determined that life is too short to be depressed. Most of the time I am a very upbeat person with a fiery temper (Im working on that!) Im passionate about life and goals and dreams. Being sad, depressed or offended just doesn't fit into this world of mine.
But lately, I have been kinda down. I feel right now that I am adrift and not as happy as I would like to be. I don't think I could say Im depressed....I guess I could say that I lack direction and am losing focus.
Everyone tells me that I should be excited about a 12 pound weight loss in 3 weeks...but I am not happy with it. I am so tired of being the biggest girl in the room at workouts and being the slowest on the road. I know I am racing against my watch and myself but there are moment that I wish I could really run or bike with a group. I meet up with a group on the weekends but I can't keep pace with them. Everyone is always nice and waits for me to finish...but just once in my life, I wish I would achieve the speed and talent it takes to just be...well...average.
I know. This sounds like a "oh poor is me" post and I really don't want to be like that. I belong to a Tri Club at our YMCA where almost every single woman is lean and strong. I feel like that square peg in a round hole...I just don't fit.
Im not going to quit...thats just not me...but I guess I wonder when I will finally fit in this lean and strong sport that has become my passion....
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5 comments:
I don't know if what I'm going to say will help, but the fact is that I often feel the exact same way. My Dad used to tell me that no matter what goes on in life, there is always going to be someone better than you and always someone worse than you at everything. The trick is that we have to be the best us that we can be. But it is often hard to remember that. Sometimes when I'm out running, tri training, or doing a tri, I have to remind myself "don't worry about them, this is about being the best me I can be." Some days it works and some days it doesn't. Hang in there lady!
12 pounds in 3 weeks? Way to go! Focus on the positive, to h*ll with the negative.
You might be slow (the hard truth.. sorry) but you are out there, when most are not.
Did you know that around 15,000 Americans attempted an Mdot race last year in the US. So if your backyard pool holds 10,000 gallons, your presence at the race would be represented by the water in the two water bottles on your bike.
It's an exclusive club that warrants giving yourself a break
Oh girl I can so understand where you are coming from! I get feeling down at times and have the exact same thoughts. But guess what, we are out there when so many people are home in their beds! Now what really makes me sick is my hubs will just go out there and pull a goofy out of his butt with no training, suffer a couple of days and then business as usual. Life is not fair. Its funny, when I look in the mirror, I don't see an overweight person, I see an athlete battling to break the shell that is containing me, and when it does finally happen, watch out! You have the perseverence and drive to make it happen and 12 pounds is not a bad start! Now if I can keep my back feeling better and keep my hubs from bringing home crap like cheesecake, I'll get on track too. We can do this!!!!
Wow, I caught chills when I read this post. I think a lot of people feel that way. Like they want to be faster and win and blah blah blah. I told someone that I am training so hard just to be average. I would love to be a middle of the packer. The truth is someone would love to be where I am. I know people are wishing they are where you are physically. Like someone said, there is always going to be someone better than you/me. Even the people at the front of the pack whish they were fast enough to be a professional. While the professionals wish they were the world champion. So for today, we have to accept the body that once was is our opponent. “For in running it is man against himself, the cruelest of opponents. The other runners are not the real enemies. His adversary lies within him, in his ability, with brain and heart to master himself and his emotions.” -Glenn Cunningham
(sorry the previous post had typos: see what happens when you are posting to blogs at work hehe)
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