Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Meeting "ED" head on...

Welcome to the crazy mind of Melissa. Go ahead, have a seat, kick back and watch the insanity unfold...ohh...and have you met my "friend"....his name is ED.

No..."ED" is not a person. doesn't stand for the issue that Viagra can remedy. "ED" is what I call my desire for food. "ED" stands for Eating Disorder.

"ED" appears about 2 months into a weight loss program and around the 10 to 15 pound weight loss mark. He rears his ugly head and tries to be the stumbling block to keep me from my goals and dreams. "ED" is...well....he's a real bastard!!

"ED" acts like your friend. Food can be that ya know. " ED" is there in the middle of the night when all that seems to be the right thing to do is pound down ice cream and chips. "ED" is the one who tells you one bite is fine...but it's never one bite...its always 12 or 14. " ED" is the guy who says "Ill start tomorrow...Ill be good next week ... or....I like myself this size."

"ED" doesn't belong at a triathlon, bike trainer session, boot camp workout or most importantly...ED doesn't belong in my head. "ED" really needs to take a hike or have an unfortunate accident.

I am currently hanging on by a thread with my weight loss. I stayed the same on the scale but in my peripheral vision, I can see "ED" standing in the shadows with a bag of M&M's and a good excuse. There are times that ANY excuse will do to consume too much least in my world. that you know "ED" and he is out there for the world to see, it's easier for me to put him in the boxing ring and give him a good pummeling. Or better yet...for the triathletes...I say we put him in an Ironman with no body glide!!

Those are my strange ramblings for the day...feel free to opine if you so desire....I would love to hear from those who battle anything from negative thoughts when you race to dealing with an eating disorder. How do you battle your demons?


Tri Mommy said...

I like the idea of putting ED in an IM without body glide. : )

You are better than ED and you deserve better than him too. You are wonderful and I know that you can kick ED's butt! It won't be easy, but you can do it.

LauraLynne said...

I'm currenting going to OA - working on my issues. I'm only in the very beginning stages though so while I'm not much help, I DO believe you can conquer this!! Good luck!

Kendra said...

Well, you're certainly not alone. I bet naming Ed can help you beat him into a pulp! I may try it too. ED is not our friend. He cheats on you. He's two timing and he's a liar. He's incredibly manipulative. Instead, we should try to befriend IS (ideal self). Yesterday I finally had a good eating day after a looong string of bad ones. I did it by thinking of the IS who would emerge in a few months, wearing clothes that fit instead of clothes that are uncomfortably snug. See, I have ED around all the time, even when I haven't lost the first 10-15 lbs. I know it's so hard when you've made progress. Maybe forget that progress and think if yourself at the beginning of a weight loss program every day? No idea if that would work... Best of luck Melissa. We're all rooting for you. You can do it!

Lani said...

You need a divorce quick - from ED. Your relationship with food is OVER. DONE, FINISHED, KAPUT. He never gave you what you wanted and despite your best efforts to change him, he never will change. File the paperwork with haste and move on

(I think not only no bodyglide WITH a wetsuit, but no padding in the bike shorts)

Lani said...

And one more note, I have made a decision as of late that I would like to share. I think we are all approaching this wrong. We do NOT need to lose weight. Wait, here me out! Ever lost your keys, cell phone? What do you want to do? Find it. I (nor anyone overweight) EVER wants to FIND the weight once it comes off. Therefore going forward we are REMOVING weight, not LOSING it!


While in Houston I just visited our minister who has had a series of physical ailments which coupled with a love of food has resulted in a weight gain.

My thoughts are to carry around a coin, like in AA, (I'm sure they exist for ED) which would have a reminder to order tuna fish and fruit cup vs. rack of ribs and french fries.

It is amazing what we will do for 10 minutes of pleasure and 23 hours and 50 minutes of pain...

I am going to look for one for him. Maybe a thought?

Hassan said...

There are times when I read your blog and that eerie chill creeps down my spine because I see the similarities in our stories. At the top of my blog, I talk about my demons and using triathlon (and faith) to quiet them. My demon is alcohol! I have been sober for almost 2 years. And like ED, my demon lurks in the shadows. When I see other people drinking, I don’t feel normal because I cant. The truth is Im not normal I am a recovering alcoholic. Besides, normal people don’t do Ironman! I hope you quiet your demons one stroke, one pedal, one step, and one day at a time! Thanks for sharing!!

I needed this to remind me why I a, doing this IRONMAN! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
p.s. the body glide comment was awesome!!!